Methods to my Madness
I have been told I have an overactive mind. That is an understatement. I am a creative person and as a ‘creative’, whatever I visually perceive isn’t ‘a tree’ or ‘a rabbit’, I see faces, characters, stories, etc. This quality has not always been perceived by those close to me as a positive one. I have been viewed as a ‘dreamer’, among other not so nice labels.
Last evening whilst sitting outside the local pub, I engaged with a father, his 6 year old daughter and 8 year old son. They had quite the assortment of plastic dinosaurs, small people, and other items for use as imaginative tools. When the mother joined in, I was delighted to see these parents allowing their children freedom in perceiving the world around them as well as their own space. This experience, as well as recent conversations with a friend, has started a stream of ‘epiphanies’ which I wish to share.
I enjoy playing short computer games such as Sudoku, Solitaire, and other similar puzzle games. From the outside, a person might see what I do as ‘being lazy’, ‘wasting time’, or some other demeaning judgment. What they don’t see are my thought processes as I work through my daily, first thing in the morning tasks and proceed to other activities. I find this relaxing and as critical to my day as some would view their first cup of coffee or tea and as important as cleaning out my email ‘inbox’.
When I perform a quick ‘google’ using the phrase: ‘medical studies of people using computer games to train their brain’, the results are astonishing. From How video games affect the brain — Medical News Today to a NHS study Video Games for Well-Being: A Systematic Review on the Application of Computer Games for Cognitive and Emotional Training in the Adult Population (link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6234876/), I conclude these games do benefit our mental and brain health. I could quote from the studies, but I would rather you, the reader, take the time to do their own research. For myself, I know which games I enjoy, why I enjoy them and how they train my brain to think more critically.
I love the Microsoft Solitaire games, specifically the daily challenges. Each day I am greeted with 5 games: Klondike, Spider, Free-cell, Pyramid, and Tripeaks. They are each given a specific skill level, from easy to expert, and the goal. Goals might be to solve the deck, to achieve a specific score or higher, to play until a specific card/s (suit and/or value) is/are played or, as with Free-cell and Tripeaks, a specified number of boards cleared. The most difficult for myself are the hard/expert level with a time or move limit. My goal is always to achieve a perfect month. The specific feature I like is the ability to ‘undo’ plays as this allows for my approach strategy to be reconsidered, a perfect exercise useful with most problem-solving situations.
When I started playing these games, I did not manage to end the month having solved all of the games. As with crosswords, (another activity I enjoy), there are ways to ‘cheat’. With the Microsoft games, the best place to go to is ‘Joe Bot’ on You Tube. Google his name with the date and game you are seeking to resolve and you are rewarded with a video of his game play. For a long time I would use this method at least 6–8 times a month. I started to see his ‘method to his madness’, his thought process, you might say, through how he moved his cursor. Today I rarely need to avail myself of this resource; I have my brain is trained to ‘puzzle out’ the steps to the solutions.
My passion for these games have also become a coping mechanism as I continue to wait for any word regarding my leave to remain application, here in the UK. Shaved ice (flavored with water enhancers before freezing) is also a coping mechanism I am using. Keeps me from knoshing on too much ‘comfort food’ (think dark chocolate). Currently, I am not allowed to work, sell my artwork, obtain a driver’s license, buy a car, continue my pursuit of an Art Psychotherapy degree, or make commitments as a volunteer.
This is a precarious cliff I sit on. I believe in obeying laws, so will not work illegally. Finding a job where the company/entity has the ability to sponsor me visa-wise has proved to be a catch-22 situation. So I sit here with an enormous amount of time on my hands, sometimes I feel I am in prison, sometimes I feel I am being punished, grounded, but for what I do not know. UK’s Home Office, Visa division has not contacted my lawyer since asking me to submit my biometrics, with consequence, if not done within 10 days. The date on that email was 29 July. I repeatedly called the provided appointment number, at my cost of £2.50 per hour, once a day for over 14 business days for a total of £70. Each time I was told I was not in their system. Since then, my lawyer has advised Home Office must respond. Today is November 5th, and still no response from them.
So I cope. Periodically, I cry, sometimes I can’t sleep, and then there are the times when I must address physical issues which require daily medications. Though I have ‘paid’ into the NHS as part of the visa process, I have no idea if I will be presented with bills should Home Office deny my application. So I only go to the doctor if absolutely necessary. So I continue to cope.
My relationship to my computer is I suppose, an umbilical cord of sorts. As long as I can read news stories, play my games on Pogo.com or my Microsoft Solitaire games, I am holding onto my sanity. It is terribly stressing not to be able to plan anything-a week out, a month out. But I continue to cope.
It would be nice if my children would write to me, (one insists I not contact him until HE is ready-I have no idea what that means). It would be nice if other family members whom I thought cared, would contact me. I have no expectations, so I continue to cope.
I have friends here who care, who spend time with me, and who are supportive of my situation and long-term goals. It would be wonderful if there were someone here who would hire me and extend sponsorship, either in Leeds or further north. I do not expect miracles, but would not hesitate to embrace one. I have learned through my life, through my experience with a husband (now ex) who kept so many secrets, that putting too many expectations on anyone, even if they are unaware, is dangerous. So I don’t and I continue to cope.
I hope this helps others who are learning, practicing how to cope.

