When I was married we adopted a sibling group that had spent years in multiple foster homes. There was documented abuse in the last 3 of them. They were 5, 8 and 12 when they came to us. I am new single and 63 and raising my two granddaughters who are 8 & 9 years old. They've been with me since they were 10 months and 23 months old. I was diagnosed with lung cancer 6 years ago so I went from legal custody to adoption to secure their future. And I am a frustrated as you are . This has alienated me from my entire family . I'm the bad guy. As if I got their father, my son, on drugs myself. I am so glad that you acknowledged that these children lose having grandparents. They have actually brought this up. After my children's foster care experience I want about to let that happen. I also found a couple to adopt them and new remain in thir lives but that ultimately was not going to work. So , here we are.