How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex
Sex education in schools is crap … it fails to include any information about pleasure, intimacy and consent and often uses scare tactics about why not to have sex. So parents, it’s up to us to educate our children about sex and ensure that they enter adulthood with positive and healthy views on what it’s all about.
So, how do we talk to our kids about sex in a heathy, positive and fun way? And what if it’s an uncomfortable and scary topic that is just too hard? Well, I’m here to tell you that you know what, it may be a little awkward at first, but reality is we’ve got to be open and honest with our kids if we want them to have a healthy and empowered sex life.
Here’s a few simple tips on having ‘the talk’:
#1 Don’t wait for the ‘right time’, ‘cos it’ll never arrive
I’ve heard parents say ‘Oh, when the time is right I’ll talk to him’ … reality is there will never be a right time, plus you’ve got to begin the conversation about consent at a very young age! It all starts when we as parents teach our kids about boundaries and consent, i.e. only kissing and hugging people (including family members) when it feels right for us, and knowing how to say NO. If your child is a teenager and you haven’t spoken about sex, you’ve left it a little late because let’s face it, kids these days are exposed to sex via porn at a very young age. Don’t wait for the ‘right time’, begin today.
#2 Be open and honest and don’t avoid the hard topics
My biggest tip is just to be open and honest with your kids about sex. Children are smart, they’ll sense if you’re uncomfortable and shy away from the topic if they know you’re feeling awkward. Open up about how amazing sex can be and talk about why people do it (i.e. pleasure, fun, excitement, love-making, connecting etc). If your child is awkward about it, just take a deep breath and relax and tell them that it’s ok to be awkward, but that this topic is important and a natural and normal conversation to be had.
#3 Work on your own ‘stuff’ around sex that makes you as an adult feel uncomfortable
As parents it’s SO important that we deal with our own shit around our sexuality and sex life. If we’re not comfortable talking about sex then our kids will pick up on that and assume that sex shouldn’t be spoken about! Pull your head out of the sand and face your ‘stuff’ that gets in the way of you having healthy, empowered conversations with your children.
Parents, need to brush on your own sex ed? Download tabú in the app store today (and have a handy little resource to guide the conversation with your kids)!
Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sex & Relationships Coach and Writer. With a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner, Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality.