Marriage Lessons from an Orchid

Julie Rice
Nov 2 · 4 min read

Christopher bought me an orchid for my birthday last year (June 2018). Orchids are not difficult to keep alive, but do require specific steps of care. I have an uncanny gift for killing plants; I managed to end the lives of 3 succulents in one year. So, as you would guess, the orchid did not fair well. We were living with his parents at the time, having just sold our house and searching for a new adventure. Between looking for new jobs, trying to homeschool, all the while living/sleeping/cooking/eating in a home with 8 people which normally houses 2, life was a bit chaotic. The orchid, although beautiful and fairly hardy, began to suffer from my lack of care and, eventually, I gave up on it. However, my mother-in-law decided to see if she could get it to re-bloom. I washed my hands of it and let her take over.

In November, Christopher landed a job in Lansing, Michigan, so we packed up our belongings in our Toyota 4Runner and a 16 foot Penske truck and drove to new ventures. I left the orchid behind in the care of my mother-in-law.

The following June, the kids and I made a short trip back to Rochester for some photography work and to visit family. Amazingly enough, the orchid was still alive, barely. My mother-in-law suggested that I take it back home with me. Reluctantly, I did.

That poor orchid survived the 11 hour drive back to Lansing (in the dark trunk of our rental car), but I wasn’t sure if I had the mental energy to save this plant from the brink of death. So I did what made sense in my brain; I ignored it for a few weeks. But as the lower leaf began shriveling and turning yellow, a twinge of guilt pierced my heart. I looked at my choices. One: just toss it and buy a new orchid. Two: do some research and take the necessary steps to rehabilitate it. Taking a long breath and digging deep for some mental fortitude, I chose option two.

After watching numerous YouTube videos and buying the needed items to give it a go, I dedicated one evening to take care of Christopher’s gift. I had to remove the orchid from its current soil, cut away all the dead roots of which there were many, and repot it in new soil that was specially mixed for orchids. I put it in front of a window in the kitchen and over the next few weeks, I kept an eye on it, watering it once a week. Because there were only one or two roots that weren’t completely dead, I watched videos of people talking about wrapping it in a plastic bag for humidity, feeding it fertilizers at certain times, etc, so the orchid would have a better chance of survival. I resented the fact that this stupid orchid was so finicky, so I didn’t do any of that extra stuff. As I write this, I realize how little work and time that actually took and would have taken. But we were in a new city with a new job, praying for new friends, making an older house into a new home, trying to establish a new routine, and fighting loneliness and discouragement.

Even while I was re-potting the orchid and trimming the dead roots, I shook my head and questioned my sanity. Just start over, Julie. It’s just one plant. There are all sorts of beautiful well-established orchids in every stinkin’ grocery store. Just buy one of those and don’t let it die this time. And that was when it hit me. That orchid plant was a symbol of my marriage. Wait. What?When we were first married, everything was beautiful. Our marriage took some work, but it was generally blooming. But over time with neglect and not enough proper care, our marriage went the same way as the orchid: the flowers dying, the leaves shriveling and turning yellow, the roots starting to rot, and I wasn’t sure I had the mental energy to bring our marriage back from the brink of death. I resented that our marriage was so finicky. I resented that it took so much time and attention. Why can’t I treat it like a stew? Throw a few ingredients in the pot with some water and let it simmer away while I do more important things.

Was I willing to do to our marriage what I did with the orchid? Was I willing to remove all the rotting roots that developed over the years? Was I willing to let go of my resentment and hurt that developed over the years? Was I willing to spend time moving it into a healthier soil, specially made for orchids, to establish a healthy root system? Was I willing to spend time finding ways to repair the foundations of our marriage? Was I willing to feed the orchid the necessary nutrients at the right time? Was I willing to give Christopher and our marriage the time and energy as needed? Was I? Were we?

Like the orchid, our marital progress will take time and purposeful action. Some seasons will be less work. Some seasons will take extra fertilization, maybe a re-potting with new soil, maybe a bigger pot, maybe some pruning. Why did I think a marriage would take less work than an orchid?

It’s the end of August now. A few weeks ago, much to my surprise and delight, a new leaf sprouted. Then this morning, I noticed a little green nub emerging from underneath an older leaf. After doing some googling, I learned that the little nub is a new root growing. A NEW HEALTHY GREEN ROOT! Maybe this gift from Christopher, my orchid, will bloom again one day. I pray that it does.

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