A Winner at Heart

THE BEGINNING
April of 2019, I laid on my bed and read a social media post, “The Miss Chinese Chicago pageant is seeking applicants.” I don’t remember exactly what I was feeling that day but I had moments when I wake up in the morning feeling highly motivated to do something and actually take action on the spot. It’s that same feeling I had when I decided to cut my bangs because I woke up desiring to do so. If you are wondering if I regret what I did despite the fact that I messed up my haircut, my reply would have to be, “No.” I did not regret it at all. Was it impulsive? Yes and I embraced it. I mean, it’s just hair after all and it’ll grow back. If you don’t really know me well. I want to mention that I can be quite an optimistic thinker. I’m not always optimistic all the time but most of the time. In addition, I want to add that throughout the years that have passed, I slowly learned to be a bit more open minded as an individual. That feeling of desiring to cut my bangs were almost the same feeling I had when I decided to officially apply for Miss Chinese Chicago 2019 except, this time I had more thought and reasoning to why I would want to join a pageant. Since I had reasons, I wouldn’t say that my decision on applying for a pageant was out of impulse but it was certainly a quick decision. So, it’s not completely impulsive. Within the crucial moment of deciding whether or not to apply, I asked myself one question. Why not?
My top reasons for joining pageantry is to challenge myself and gain experience. I want to challenge myself on how confident I am to be able to present myself in front of others. I felt it was my time to step out of my comfort zone despite the fact that I have a weakness for public speaking. As a positive thinker, I believe that pageantry is an experience that I should try out in my lifetime before it’s too late to regret not doing so. So, why not? Why shouldn’t I try it out? Is it because I’m not pretty enough? No. I personally believe that “beauty” is in the eye of the beholder (cliche I know but it’s true) and pageants aren’t mainly about appearances. Sure, pageant contestants wear make-up, nice dresses, and shoes but that’s just a small fun factor I learned about pageants based on what I’ve seen from my friends’ experiences. There is way more depth in the whole process than dressing up. I questioned myself about my personal weakness, public speaking. What if I don’t know how to speak in front of the public? What if I mess up? I’ve had college communication courses before but I haven’t really utilized it on a real stage and in front of a crowd before. But hey, if Jamie Brewer (Actress and Activist for the Down Syndrome Community) from American Horror Story (TV Series) can do it, I can do it too! Well, Jamie Brewer is too amazing for me to compare myself with but I hope you get what I mean. So, yes. I have decided. I decided to do a pageant this year. I am officially Miss Chinese Chicago court of 2019’s contestant #7.
Our first official upcoming event was an optional volunteering opportunity to help clean up the community park. It was a nice feeling to be able to actively be a part of a team to help make a difference again. I got to meet a few of my pageant sisters and the 2018 court. They were all quite friendly so that was a good sign. There are SO MANY events (Hispanic Charity, Press Conference, Chinatown Fair, etc.) that are equally important towards my pageant experience however, I would like to mainly write about my growth during training sessions with my mentors and pageant sisters. Before the official first required training session, Victoria (director and mentor) held optional work-out and training sessions on Saturday mornings. I’ve been to only two of these work-out sessions and it was extremely tough for me because I don’t usually do intense workout for muscle toning. Honestly, I struggled to keep up the endurance. I was the type of person who like to work-out through dancing (not professional dancing) at home or with friends. These work-out sessions motivated me to actually go to a gym and keep fit. I was motivated to slowly build endurance that I never had before. Even after the end of pageantry, I still work-out at the gym at least 2 times weekly. After workout sessions, we had optional training sessions to work on our self-introductions, Q & A (204 potential questions! Crazy right?), poses, and walking on high heels. The start of these training sessions made me realize how much I was lacking in ways I have not expected. I want to note that I am my worst critic and that I am challenging myself on doing better. Self-improvement is one of my goals and will always be my life goal because I believe that no matter what age we are, we are always learning to improve ourselves and to others.
SISTERHOOD
Throughout my training sessions, my pageant sisters and I worked hard on improving ourselves as a team. All my pageant sisters are different; each and everyone has their own unique character. Honestly, showing our character on stage is a very difficult thing to do. In my perspective, it’s extremely hard to show my character as a whole in front of people I did not personally know (excluding family and friends). I’m sure others can relate. An individual’s character is built within years of personal life experiences and to showcase that in less than 2–3 hours on stage felt nearly impossible (at least for me). Nonetheless, we all tried our best to show a part of our character that we feel most comfortable sharing through the confidence we gained within each session we attended. The confidence we built was through the support and encouragement from each other and from our mentors. “Yaaahs! You can do it! I’m proud of you! You girls did it!” and so much more. All the pep talks from our mentors helped a lot. These pep talks reminded me that we’re all in this together. We are a team. The support and teamwork within this pageant association shown me a different light on sisterhood. I always thought sisterhood was meant to be for those who can share a deep connection with and it would take years to build this type of relationship but it wasn’t limited to that alone. Pageantry taught me that sisterhood is about respecting each other, thinking about one another, and celebrating our wins together. Throughout this pageant journey, I’ve experienced many kindness from my pageant sisters. During this whole experience, the support was real.
I remember a pageant sister that was so informative that every time I asked a question, she always answers it with fun facts. I learned a lot of interesting facts through her.
I remember a pageant sister that told me, “You did a lot better!” after watching me improve on my public speaking skills. I needed that reassurance that I am improving and I’m not the only one thinking that.
I remember on the day of our press conference, I struggled walking in my wrong sized heels. One of my pageant sisters realized my struggle and was willing to patiently wait for me.
I remember a pageant sister that was willing to initiate and get to personally know me outside the pageant process. I truly appreciate it.
I remember going to my rehearsals early on Saturday mornings and being asked, “How are you doing?”. It’s always a nice feeling when someone asks how I am doing?
I remember sharing my nervousness with a pageant sister and she was able to relate. She let me know, I’m not alone.
I remember a pageant sister passing out each and every one a cute card. It was such a kind gesture.
I remember being surprised by one of my pageant sisters who always gave me a hug as a greeting and I thought in my head, “Wow, she is a hugger! Who knew?”.
I remember a pageant sister who shared her feelings and concerns throughout the pageant. She made me feel important and helpful as a 姐妹.
You noticed I remember these 9 moments? Each moment is about my interaction with my different pageant sisters. No matter how small these words and gestures seem to others, I personally felt that every one of them matter to me. Cheers to sisterhood!

WE DID IT!
On the end of the pageant night, four girls were placed for a title and the rest of us weren’t. That’s okay. Receiving a title is an extra bonus but the real achievement is being able to go through this pageant process without giving up. Pageantry isn’t all about rainbows and butterflies. We all had our portions of stress and hardships but we also had our fun and memorable moments. Congratulations to us all! We all did it! I’m happy for everyone and I’m especially happy for myself. I really did it! I came out of my comfort zone to gain experience and improve myself. I have come a long way. Through it all, I have gained more confidence than what I had before, became active in the community, improved my public speaking, and felt the care of sisterhood and teamwork! Last but not least, I learned a lot about myself. Those 204 potential questions given to us for practice really made me think deeply about myself. It’s not often I get personal questions. There were so many good questions but this one question stood out to me, “How do you conquer your fears?” To answer that question, I can truly say that I conquer my fears by coming out of my comfort zone and challenging myself. With practice and motivation, I see progress and self-improvement. Challenges are achieved and I feel a great sense of accomplishment. This is my victory.
THANKFUL
I’m thankful for the sisterhood I’ve experienced through my pageant sisters and I’m thankful for all the sponsors and volunteers for being a part of the reason for making this pageant happened. I want to specifically thank my mentors who really took their time and effort out of their busy schedule to help us with our pageant process. Victoria (producer), Ashish (Victoria’s partner), Jamie (Court 2018’s First Princess and choreographer), and Brittany (my great friend and Court 2018’s Queen). Victoria has great passion with the things she does. She worked so hard on doing multiple roles (producer, director, mentor, promoter, and so many more) within this pageant to create a vision for this community. And of course, I cannot forget about Victoria’s amazing partner Ashish, who also helped contribute his time to create this vision! It’s admirable. The amount of work they contributed is not easy but they made it happened! To top that, they are two kind souls and welcoming people. Thank you Victoria and Ashish! Jamie, contributed a lot of her effort on the pageant even though she had her own pageant process to work on at the same time. I don’t know how she does it but she truly came through with her personality and efforts! She definitely hyped up our spirits during our training sessions with her big personality. Thank you Jamie! My dear friend Brittany, I feel I do not give her enough credit as an amazing friend who have been by my side through our years of friendship. Thanks for being there for me through thick and thin, especially during this pageant process; it was not easy for me. Your words of encouragement helped a lot. Your support is strong. Thanks Brittany! You’re awesome and I hope you know that. Last but not least, I want to personally mention and thank my younger sister, Kelly and my boyfriend, Surasit for being there for me when I needed help. Thank you, Kelly for being my number one audience while practicing my performance for pageant day. I appreciate your honest opinions and thoughts on how well I performed. Thank you, Surasit for helping me practice my 204 potential questions with a karaoke mic and providing me space to practice my walks with a mirror in front. Many thanks to my family and friends who supported me from the bottom of your heart. Thank you to everyone who came through on pageant day to see my pageant team and I shine on stage. You guys know who you are! I appreciate all of your support and love! I’m truly grateful! Thank you everyone!
With love,
Julie ❤
