“Why?” is actually not the right question

The question “Why?” is used by us, humans, on a daily basis. Most of the time absolutely unconsciously. What matters to us is the answer, not the question, unfortunately. The quality of this question can improve a lot of things in our lives. Let me explain…

At the beginning there is an idea. Let’s do X. When the examined idea is stated, your gut either agrees with the it or it is more or less in opposition. In the first situation you can feel relief, excitement or no strong emotions at all. In such situation there’s no point in asking why. The second attitude of your gut tends to generate the “Why?” question much more likely. Some people might just say “No.” However the majority of people will state it as a question . — “Why?” And this is exactly why this question is so scary.

Asking why is not a positive reaction, a reaction expressing harmless interest, endless support and plain curiosity. The question means a broken mental model, the peg that does not fit the hole. It carries fear, fear of being wrong, fear of waste, and fear of change.

Maybe you were taught that you should ask why — at school, in your job, in your relationship. And it’s great, just remember that there are billions of people who weren’t.

Now go and ask a better question.