5 Ways I Saved Myself from Being a Jobless Graduate

And no, “connections” was not one of them.

People label each other with nouns based on physical appearance, but label with adjectives based on behavior. As for me, I got good grades, graduated college early, and now only a year out of college I am in what most people would deem a “career” with a successful and sought-after company that does great work in its industry.

Because of this, terms like “driven,” “go-getter,” “industrious,” and “strong” get thrown my way. And people my age or still in college are constantly asking me how I “got” to where I am.

But honestly, I would say that it was not what I did, but rather what I avoided. I saw people around me doing 5 specific things, in college and just out of college, and could see it was leading them down a path filled with quicksand, where you sink into the ground and get stuck for years.

Here are the things I avoided that got me from graduating college to a career:

1. Making excuses:
Good grief, the sheer volume of them:

“It’s just so hard to find a job with no experience.”
“It’s all about connections these days.”
“I need to make a dent in my student loans first.”
“I’m not ready to grow up just yet.”
“I need to go to grad school first.”
“I’ve applied for stuff and no one gets back to me.”
“I’m so sick of filling out applications.”

I understand all the emotions behind these phrases. I have experienced each and every one of them.

Which has lead to me this conclusion: we have to get over ourselves. It is so easy to feel as if you are the only person who has had to deal with growing up. In reality, you are the billionth. It is incredibly dangerous walking down what my mother likes to call The Long and Whining Road. It feels good at the time, and there are plenty of travelers on the same road to fuel your complaints. But before you know it, 2 years have passed and you have traveled nowhere, because that road only leads you in one big, heartbreaking circle.

2. Playing it safe:
So that job application says you need 2–3 years of experience and you don’t have it. Apply anyway. Job applications only say that to scare off those who are easily intimidated or discouraged. Because they are looking for people with guts. Yes, everyone wants to hire someone who already has experience, but even more so, every company in every field wants people who are brave. People who leap, who reach, who try even though there is no obvious guarantee of success. Bravery is a word people don’t use often. It sounds too warrior-esque for modern conversation. But it is paramount in life, and definitely paramount in pursuing any sort of career.

3. Focusing only on my skills and not my personality:
A friend once told me, “The working world is all about developing a set of skills that people need. Because you will eventually lose your job at some point, but having a good set of skills will ensure you can get the same job at a different location.”

I would disagree. Ok, maybe this whole “skill set” philosophy is partially true for someone like him (a computer programmer) or for people who are surgeons or cut-throat body guards. Only so many people who can do what they do. But even then, how much better would their lives be if they had that skill and they were also likable?

I don’t mean desperately trying to make the whole world like you. That tends to be counterproductive; it leaves you feeling like you have no identity outside of others’ opinions of you. I mean development of character; being an individual people want to hire. In the working world, people see your skills, but they also see who you are. Are you dependable, adaptable, confident without being arrogant, humble without being a pushover, and considerate? Don’t just sell this image when you interview or fill out applications. Develop these attributes for real. Be this person, and not only will your potential employers respond positively, so will everyone else in your life.

4. Asking myself the wrong question:
So many people’s favorite phrase these days is “I just don’t know what I want!”

Since when does anyone know exactly what they want in life down to every minute detail? If they do, they are most likely an overly-controlling sociopath.

The problem is that you are asking the wrong question. The answer to “What do I want?” is vague, existential, and constantly changing. In reality, we are all driven by what we value; that’s where our “wants” come from. A better question, then, is “What do I value?”

What will you always care about? If you focus on what deeply matters to you, then you will fight for it. You will get a career that somehow relates to what you value, and regardless of how much money it produces or how others view it, it will be so much more fulfilling for you and others than just a job you think you “want.”

So what do you value? Make a list. Then ask a good friend to guess what they are based on the way you live your life. Just brace yourself for potentially surprising answers. What you think you value or want to value and what you actually value may not be the same.

5. Pleasing my peers:
Maybe I’m alone in this, but ever since I was a teenager, I found people my own age very frustrating at times. Mostly because I have never bought into the whole “Too cool for school” persona that people have been fronting since we were 14 and are still fronting now in our 20s. There is this whole pursuit of not letting The Man get you down, but dig deep into that concept and I would claim the more accurate description is people believing The Man is uncool. The Man “just doesn’t get it,” and is somehow responsible for all of our problems and angst, and undoubtedly only listens to Today’s Top 50 because he could never appreciate good music.

Work hard, develop some solid street smarts, and be an overachiever, even when everyone else around you seems habitually drunk, high, and sprinting down that long and whining road. I am not saying to swear off everyone your age. Many of them are fantastic people, and who doesn’t need a good bottle of wine or a venting session about the trials of today’s 20-somethings now and again? But if you let your life become based around that, you will find yourself perpetually discouraged. And remember, discouraged people are the ones employers avoid.

Growing up is hard. Fears and insecurities follow you at every turn, and the shift from graduation to the “real world” can seem petrifying. But I am where I am because I believe life is too short to spend years of it wrapped up in those fears. Mistakes are a part of life, but do your best to avoid these 5 particular mistakes during this time in your life, the bridge from college to career will be significantly shorter, and with less gaping holes to swallow you.