How to support a grieving friend when you aren’t sure what to say — Since my mom died about a year and a half ago, neither friends nor family have seemed to know how to support my grief. Even people who have lost loved ones before seem uncomfortable around a person grieving. After the first few days, people stopped even mentioning it; they stopped…

I’ve never been congratulated more for doing less — “Will you marry me?” “What’s this?” I said, holding a too-small silver ring that looked nothing like one I would have chosen. It took a moment for it to sink in that this was it — this was one of those Life Moments people talk about, and I needed to…

Advice I wish I’d gotten when I was busy getting old — The first time I thought I was too old to start something, I was in high school. I was learning Spanish and really taking to it. The thought of traveling to another country and being able to communicate in a foreign language was incredibly exciting. So when I got the…

Britney Spears was my teen dream. Then we both had our own meltdowns. — Gather ‘round, younger Millennials and the as-yet-unnamed generation that followed (they’re not really sticking with Gen Z, are they?). Let me tell you about a girl I used to know. Britney Spears was my frenemy. I both idolized and hated her for having everything I did not, for being everything…

I spent my teens and twenties looking for a boyfriend; now I just crave female companionship — The so-called Golden Girls of Prospect Cemetery are four women, immigrants who came to Canada from villages along the Carpathian Mountains. They supported each other through the hardships of their adopted home, including children, dead husbands, xenophobia, and the Great Depression. When it came time to plan for the end…

My perfectionism had informed every aspect of my life, but none more so than my desire to be beautiful — “Hey, beautiful.” He barely paused to let his greeting land on me. I was standing in a train station vestibule, exhausted—emotionally and physically. I had just completed a grueling train ride, my second of the weekend. Fellow train passengers walked through the vestibule and out into the cold, most without…

Let your grief ruin Valentine’s Day Here’s where I’ll start: Valentine’s Day is stupid. I know, that took a lot of guts to say. It’s a day that celebrates romantic love, perhaps the most over-celebrated thing in history. And it doesn’t just celebrate it, it amplifies its worst aspects: the…

Asking the spirits for answers after losing a loved one — In the immediate aftermath of my mom’s death, I saw a counselor for talk therapy. I had emailed this counselor from my mom’s hospice bed the day she died. The end was near and certain, but we didn’t know when; in my first email to the counselor, I said I…

Understanding my mom, her death, and the beloved family pet she ushered on to what’s next — Her things are piled up in my dad’s basement. The basement of the man she divorced over twenty years ago. The man that cut the lawn of her abandoned home for months while we waited for the bank to foreclose. …