Last December, my mom was on a flight to New York, and because she is an asshole, she was reading the Qur’an on her iPad. The woman seated next to her asked my mother if she would stop; it made her uncomfortable. My mother responded by reading the guttural arabic passages out loud. Did I mention my mom’s an asshole? The woman got up and demanded the flight attendants “do something about this,” to which they replied “Sorry, we can’t.” She ended up moving seats, you know, to the part of the plane that would be unaffected by the explosion. My mom happily stretched out across two seats and started playing Candy Crush.