If Someone Writes About You, Proceed With Caution (Don’t Be An Asshole)
When dealing with a writer, you have to assume that you will be the subject of a public post eventually.
Writing about relationships was never a goal. When a friend of mine told me that some of my opinions weren’t entirely stupid, writing grew into something I wanted to be good at. I accidentally fell into the role of a man who writes about love and relationships at a time when it was rampant. A man writing about relationships a few years back wasn’t a niche — it became a standard.
Like any reasonably talented writer, I wrote through life experiences. It was important to me to not pander or write for the masses. I wanted to write in a way that would be both personal and timeless. Even if a person didn’t know my struggle, they could identify would the internal dialogue I shared.
In a conversation where we were talking about music and Trap Karaoke, this young lady’s curt comment threw me for a loop — “so I found your blog or whatever…have you written about me yet?”
There are quite a few things wrong with what she asked and how she posed the question. My first reaction was to be offended but pride wouldn’t let that be exposed. What it made me cognizant of is how people misunderstand the creative process; especially that of writers.
Writers can get inspiration from anywhere. From the weather. From a song. From a dream. From rejection. From happiness. From pain. Writers are able to transform thoughts into colorful language that sometimes give readers a glimpse into a different world. And yet it’s a world that we can still see parts of themselves in.
I’ve written about women in my life, past and present. Because I love them but also in part because of how they loved me when I needed it and was undeserving.
I’ve spent a fair amount of my writing talking about one woman. She’s been instrumental in my journey of self-discovery as a man. We don’t talk about the things I’ve written about her. I never tell her or ask permission to write about her. And I’m sure she hasn’t read every single thing I’ve written.
However, what I’ve always known was that my writing isn’t directly about her. It’s about me trying to understand and critique myself. It’s about seeing what I’ve done right and wrong and how I can be better the next time. The focus of all of those words was on self-reflection.
That’s what people who aren’t creative don’t get about the creative process. Being a muse is a privilege. Average people don’t get immortalized in art. For you to have the privilege of being written about means in some way, good or bad, you mattered. To affect a writer’s life is to give him/her the courage to explore new heights in his/her art.
On Twitter, I follow a lot of writers. I tweeted about this conversation, figuring a few of them might be able to relate. And one of the more insightful scribes, Raegan Mathis, said something that I’m sure I’ll use should the situation arise in the future.
Just because you find out the person you’re dealing with is a writer doesn’t mean that they’ll write about you. You might not leave that much of an impression. Or more accurately, not one that’s worthy of public consumption.
Conversely, if a writer finds inspiration from you, don’t assume that it’s anything other than their contribution to the art community. That community may consist of a few or a million. Nonetheless, ultimately you’re a supporting character not the main attraction.
The truth is people want to be remembered for the positive and the good that they do. That first date didn’t lead to a relationship. But if the experience was the result of a leap of faith, though, you did your job.
If you left them waiting on a phone call that never came, that pain may become the start of a soul-stirring novel or an Oscar-nominated film someday.
Being written about means that you moved someone so deeply that they never want to forget the time you existed.
So if you stumble on a writer’s “blog or whatever” in the wee hours of the morning or go looking because you’re nosy, don’t be a flippant asshole when bringing it up. And don’t be mad if it’s not what you were hoping.
