I want to guide, heal and direct // My Yoga Teacher Training Adventure
The 2nd week of my yoga certification training is almost over. I can’t believe I will have to leave this place soon… I had no idea what to expect when I arrived here. I didn’t even really know what I wanted to get out of it. but every single day I go to bed knowing this was the best decision of my life, just to show up. I’ve learned so much, re-evaluated, rethought, closed some doors and opened many. Hours of meditation, things like mantras and chakras, words I always shrug my shoulders at, not wanting to be a part of it. But I said yes to it all for that was my promise, to give everything a chance, and so day after day I’ve closed my eyes and joined in on the sounds and postures, killing my disbelief.
I feel different walking by myself each day. I feel different thinking about my life back home, with pressures and goals, bills to pay and people to show up for. The thought of going back into the ’real world’ scares me. I don’t want to leave this experience behind and step back into my old costume, my old habits, my old ways of getting home. I want to bring this ’me’, this way of breathing, moving, thinking, learning and find a way to fit it into my ‘real’ life. Maybe somewhere between old and new.
Transformation can’t be a phase, it must happen all the time, and you can’t bind it to a place. You must make it happen so deep inside of you that you can go wherever you want from here, and still feel safe in the knowing that you hold these teachings, this knowledge, and you can use it. You can live it. You can own it.
You know when you’re on the right path for the right reason. You no longer feel the need to look beside you to know what the others are doing and how successful they are. I’ve spent so many years comparing my path to others. I no longer want to do that.
I feel a new sense of certainty about what I do. My profession. My mission. I struggled for a long time to clear my thoughts up about what it is I’m trying to do with all this. I’m making music, I’m writing books, I’m building online communities of people who can help each other, inspire each other, back and forth from all over the world. I learn things, create things and share it. I’ve been wanting to find a simple lead word for myself, a word that can guide me in all my choices, that can light the way when I don’t really know what to do, and help me make decisions. The word that has appeared to me this month is HEALING.
I want to guide, I want to heal, I want to help.
I am healing, and I aspire to heal others. Through my work. Through my art. Through stories and lessons, books and songs: I want to heal people. From anger, from sadness; from regrets and broken hearts. I want to help people find a path from aimless years of no direction, from ways gone wrong or simply no ways at all. I want to guide, I want to heal, I want to help. I’m not saying I know how to, or that I’m healed myself, but by sharing my own journey towards healing I hope that what I find out along the way can help others heal to. Help others heal themselves. Or us, as a community coming together to create a space of kindness and gentle thoughts. Be inspired by each other, how we’re all blooming and learning. Growing into wonderful people with love and excitement, enthusiastic about life.
Healing.
I aspire to heal. To help. To guide.
These are the words that will direct me from now on.
