TOO MUCH
Last Christmas, my siblings and I went to Omu Resort, Epe. It was a terrific place with various rides, go-karting, sea-world, zoo and other attractions. My most memorable ride would be the Pirate Ship. Unlike the roller coaster, this ride doesn’t go round but sideways to the left and right.
The operator kept increasing the speed, and the 'Ship' went higher and higher. It was fun but all of a sudden, I couldn’t help screaming 'please stop!!!' It was getting too high, and I felt like my insides would burst and spill. My entire body was in panic and disarray. This didn’t stop me from going on the ride three more times though. It was orgasmic.
Sometimes, I get a similar feeling in my belly or my chest, mostly when I wake up in the morning. As if I’m a container overflowing with water and it’s beginning to trickle down my sides, tickling me. As if I have been driving at 180 kmph and my body is panicking and begging me to slow down, stop even. I’ll call it the too-much feeling.
It happens when I’m actually doing too much. It could be that I’m taking too much in: reading a book without pausing to do anything else, listening to Alt-J’s 'Breezeblocks' on repeat (the song could play thirty times, I tell you), harbouring feelings of anger and resentment towards someone, eating too many slices of fried plantain. Or it could be that I’m giving too much out: spending most of my hours with someone, laughing or crying for too long, spending most of my money on a service, to mention but a few.
Whenever I have this uncomfortable, sick 'too-much' feeling, my body’s alarm bells are ringing.
Wake Up! Slow down! Get back! Shut up! Stop!
This is because these things are beginning to exert too much weight and pressure on my body, infringing on my margins. And my body is crying out to me, "Remember my frailty. I am but dust." Although sometimes, I feel like it’s really my mind or emotion that is feeling the weight of my actions.
Human beings enact their will on their bodies, for example, I want to talk to HIM so I use my hands to pick up the phone and call, but when I get this feeling, it’s like my body is trying to influence my will, almost as if my body is acting independently, possessing a separate will! 'You called him first yesterday, and the day before, and two days before, drop the phone.'
At this point, my body is trying to bring me under control, and I know I have to act accordingly. In some cases, it’s really clear that I have to stop what I’m doing. Like stop listening to that song for two weeks. And if I feel like being dramatic, I’ll delete it. Other times, the approach may be different. It could be that I have to pour out my feelings into a poem or a journal entry, or confront someone or keep my distance from that person I hang out with everyday or take a break from that project to see a movie. Just something to put my body back at ease.
These beautiful words of Donald Revell sum the solution up for me:
Never deny the power of withdrawal.
Never doubt that thought and time make things small.
Withdraw. Take a step back, or three, if necessary. Things usually look smaller and have less influence on you when you view them from a far distance. Think less about it/him/her. Spend less time on or with him/her/it.
This may not make so much sense to some other people but I believe this is how my body communicates to my will in an attempt to curb its excesses. Your body might communicate to you in a different way- I think it’s really necessary to understand the workings of your own body. Some things are really obvious and general. For example, acne, eye-bags, late periods mostly point to stress. Your body is saying it needs more rest. And this, in my opinion, aligns with the natural law of self-preservation that is at work in our bodies. Your body system is forewarning you of imminent harm (in whatever form) and asking that you protect yourself.
There’s probably some lofty scientific explanation for this somewhere or could it be that I’m just a weirdo? In any case, I’m basically saying you should do all things in moderation (this is subjective) for the sake of the sanity of your body and mind.