DO YOU WISH YOUR INNER VOICE WOULD JUST SHUT-UP!

Justin Kynde
Sep 2, 2018 · 5 min read

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR INNER DIALOGUE

Your Inner Voice?

WHY DO WE TALK TO OURSELVES?

Studies have shown that starting around the age of 2 and finishing around the age of 8, you will have been talking out loud to yourself a great deal of the time!

At around age 8, you’ll have started to internalize that self-talk and it’s this voice that you’ll carry with you the rest of your life. Although, if you’re like me, you’ll catch people staring at you from time to time when they hear you talking to yourself out-loud!

In fact, since I started to listen to my inner voice and started to direct it, I’ve found I talk out-loud to myself more often! And it used to be said that was a sign of insanity — oh well!

What is the purpose of talking to yourself?

If you listen to young children talking to themselves, you’ll hear a huge range of concepts being tested

You’ll hear them at play, making decisions on what toy to place where

You’ll hear them at play, using their imagination to create a sea of sparkling jewels or a lake of alligators

You’ll hear them repeating what their mum or dad have said to them to do or to avoid

Clearly, this self-talk is an important part of your brain development, for you to be able to categorize, structure and retain ideas and concepts

It’s been estimated that you’ll typically spend 25% of your day engaged in self-talk, although this may be on the low side, if you ask me!

WHY THEN, DOES YOUR INNER VOICE BECOME DESTRUCTIVE AND CRITICAL?

There are a number of reasons why your inner voice may not be your greatest supporter

One of the biggest reasons will be related to those who were in positions of authority when you were growing up, starting with those who raised you and continuing with your teachers at school

If your parents or teachers were negative, and it could only have taken a moment when you were feeling vulnerable, you could quite easily have internalised that negativity and continued to have repeated it to yourself for years

In fact, the words used, might have been positive, they may have been saying “you can do better” or “you did it again! Well done!”. How could you see those positive words as negative?

All it might have taken if for you not to have reached what you considered your potential to have been, then your inner voice might have started asking why you didn’t do better, or how you could get worse than you used to be

Other influences on your inner voice could include your peers (both friends, bullies and others), people you respect (both in your life and on social media) and the media you consume (including video, TV, movies, books, podcasts, music and so on)

You have likely taken to heart, some messages from a number of different sources, and by repetition have come to expect certain standards of yourself — for more about the power of expectations, check my blog here

Now, you find that whenever you fail to meet these standards, your inner voice pipes up and starts the destructive criticism

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO SILENCE YOUR INNER CRITIC?

Don’t expect to silence your inner voice! It’s an integral part of you

You can start to take control of the conversation though

The first step, as you’d expect, is to catch yourself in the act! Often the best way to do this is by being aware of how you are feeling, if you’re feeling a little down, or beat-up or sad and there’s no obvious reason, then check your self-talk!

What have you been saying to yourself and in what tone of voice?

OK, so you’re being mean (or worse) to yourself! How can you stop?

I’ll suggest a number of techniques, with practice, my hope is that one of them or a combination of them will resonate with you and work for you

You can ask yourself how a good friend would speak to you, what advice would they give you, what words would they use and what tone of voice? Once you’ve answered this question, try repeating back to yourself the answer, more than once, do this every time you catch yourself in negative self-talk

Or, ask yourself how someone you respect would speak to you, remember you can choose anyone, alive or from history, preferably someone who chose to solve problems and be constructive and optimistic

Or, you can challenge your inner voice, treat your inner voice as another person, ask why they feel the way they do, ask them why they’re being so mean

Or, talk to your inner voice, accept what you inner voice has said and ask for a solution, you brain is wired to seek solutions to problems, so ask “How can I feel better about this?”, be specific with your question and expect an answer

You might be rewarded with silence — That’s OK!

That’s a step forward, that shows that your inner voice wasn’t expecting to be answered back. You might not get an answer this time, but keep asking every time you catch you inner voice being critical

Or, you can journal, write down what you hear your inner voice saying and then check it over and find ways to clarify what your inner voice was saying and why

If your inner voice said “You’re an idiot!”, write down why you might have said this to yourself, be specific both in time, location and action — when you’re specific, then your brain can start to separate this particular action from all the other actions you take every day

Also, when you’re specific, you create an opportunity to check on yourself and ask how things could’ve been different, what could’ve been done to change the outcome

When you’re doing any of the above, you’ll find that changing your body language while doing it can be effective as well and increase the probability of creating a better outcome, smile, put your shoulders back, straighten your spine and take a few deep breaths!

With persistence, you may well find that you’re forming new habits and being kinder and more forgiving to yourself. You can check out my blogs on habits and mindset for more tips

If none of the above works and you’re feeling worse because you’re more conscious of your inner voice and hear the criticism more often, then you might want to consider seeking professional help — I’m not a qualified psychologist or therapist and certainly wouldn’t want you to think that I am

CONSIDER THIS!

Remember, it will be hard to use any of the above techniques as a one off and have them work instantly

Becoming aware of, and effectively changing your inner voice needs work. But, if you want to do it, that work will be worthwhile and it will become easier with practice!

If you like what you read and you’re ready to put it into practice click here to grab your very own

Going for Gold! Change Your Inner Voice Assist List!

where I provide a quick and easy checklist for you to keep in mind when you’re ready to take control of your inner voice

Remember every week I’ll be putting out more ways to improve your life here

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JustinKynde with kindwordz

Justin Kynde

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Welcome friends! I’m Justin Kynde (pronounced Kind). I’m ready to share my thoughts with you and am keen to soak up your wisdom along our journey together

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