HAPPY GIRLS GET EVERYTHING

In every woman’s life, there are moments when they are faced with a Universal Truth and forced to either integrate it into their consciousness or live with the cognitive dissonance that follows.
The first time I remember this happening was 1989 (don’t run away millennials, I was a baby then, too) in the passenger seat of my mom’s Mazda Hatchback coming home from the A&P. I was five years old (super cute, just imagine) and my mom was a 100% Italian lady from New Jersey who drove a stick and didn’t take flack from anyone. She still is.
On this car ride, she dropped some knowledge on me that was going to change my world view for the rest of my life. You see I was…. Crying… Yup… I’m a cry-er. (I still am. I can’t even watch This is Us without a tear.) And this time I was carrying on because my mom wouldn’t buy me — — Wait for it — — Salami.
I did say I was a little Italian girl from NJ, right? So this was the equivalent of being deprived of a major food group until the NEXT grocery shopping trip. I was Not. Handling. It. Well.
I was literally wailing “MAAAAAAHHHHH I WAAAAAANNNNNTTTT SALLLAMMMMI.” (If it wasn’t so obnoxious, it would be funny.) And crying my little 4.5 year old tears down my little 4.5 year old face.
My mom has a way of getting very quiet right before she slices your soul in half with a sentence. It’s a super power. She paused.
“Happy Girls Get Salami.”
What? I just stopped and sniffled for a little bit.
“Happy Girls Get Everything. Sad Girls Get Nothing.”
And just like that, my mom unfolded the tenants of the intersection between quantum physics and Buddhist philosophy. Seek the happiness first, and then the end is easy to achieve.
This realization definitely shut me up (probably the ultimate goal.) But it has come back to me again and again in life. Why did Lisa Hastie get asked to the junior prom by “that guy on the lacrosse team?” She was always the happiest girl in the room. Why did I get to play college sports even though I’m not super coordinated (or athletic)? Because sports make me so dang happy I’m contagious to be around when I’m playing.
So. There it is. The wisdom of the cosmos from my mom’s mouth to your ears: Happy Girls Get Everything. Sad Girls Get Nothing.
