War stories: Army nicknames
If there is one thing the British Army is better at than drinking and fighting it is giving people nicknames. Be careful what you do in your early career your nickname will follow you throughout your military life….and beyond.
Nicknames based on where you are from
The British Army embraces tradition, and this, of course, extends into the realm of nicknames. Many Army nicknames will be given based on where you’re from in the country:
Scotland = Jock
Wales = Taff
Newcastle = Geordie
Birmingham = Brum
Liverpool = Scouse
Ireland = Paddy or Mick
I once spent some time with an Engineer regiment where half the soldiers came from Scotland or Newcastle. People were either “Jocks” or “Geordies”.
Traditional nicknames
It's a fact that certain names have certain, traditional nicknames. If you have one of these names, chances are that you’ll inherit your “traditional” nickname in your first couple of weeks of basic training. Here are some examples:
Smith = Smudger
Rhodes = Dusty, Dusty Rhodes
White = Chalky or China
Miller = Windy
Black = Matt
Waters = Muddy
Any Scottish clan name e.g. MacDonald, McAllister = Mac (Unless they are already called “Jock”
Incident-based nicknames
Incidents in training, when socializing or living in barracks may well be a source of nicknames. Again, regardless of whether you want it or not, what you do may well determine your nickname. Here are some common, and less common nicknames:
Swampy — It has been known for soldiers to drink too much, and sometimes the inevitable happens. If you wet your bed, or “swamp” your bed, expect to be known as “Swampy”.
Punchy — You should always be cautious of anyone you meet in the Army with the nickname, “Punchy”. It's indicative of a certain temperament and a willingness to engage in fisticuffs. It's a popular nickname in the Parachute Regiment and nearly all of the Scottish Regiments.
Trigger — Similar to “Punchy” anyone with the name “Trigger” is likely to be hot-tempered. It's short for “hair-trigger”.
The Flowerpot Men — During training I may or may not have been involved in an incident involving dropping a number of flower-pots off the top of the Officers’ Mess Balcony at Queen Elizabeth Military Hospital in Woolwich. The incident led to a near courts-martial and an impressive number of extra duties (“Extras”). For the six years of my army career, I was known as one of the “Flower pot men”.
Killer — For me, this was a misheard nickname. I wondered why a serjeant in the Royal Green Jackets was always referred to as “colour” which appeared to be a promotion. It turned out that I had misheard. The serjeant had had a run-in with some terrorists in the 1970s and they had come off worse. Hence, “Killer”.
Officer’s nicknames
British Army officers are referred to as “Rodneys” or “Ruperts” by their soldiers. As far as I’m aware soldiers never have any other nicknames for their officers….at least none that they want them to hear!
The best of the best
Although the army takes a traditional approach to nicknames there are some that stage out based on their ingenuity. Here are my three all-time favourite:
PYFLO — This is an unusual nickname, especially as it belonged to a senior field officer. Quite simply his nickname was the initials of his catchphrase. PYFLO — Punch Your F*cking Lights Out. Classic.
Magic — A slightly more obscure origin. Sapper Greatorex was known as “Magic”. “Why Magic I asked?” Greatorex, Great Tricks, therefore “Magic”.
Detcord — The army loves an ironic nickname. Detcord or detonation cord is used to set off explosives and burns at 8,000m per second. Therefore, anyone called “Detcord” is likely to be considered “slow on the uptake” by his or her peers.
Fridge — In the 1980’s there was an off-the-wall children’s TV show called “Gilbert’s Fridge”. Corporal Gilbert, as was, was obviously called “Fridge”. There is a certain logic and inevitability at work.
So. There you have it. A few Army nicknames, I’d love to hear any others.