Kayaking and Bacon Bits
In an effort to write a better story in our lives — I took my wife kayaking today.
The minimum rental time was two hours. Apparently, kayak rental places don’t realize how similar they are to sex. I wouldn’t need two hours.
My biggest athletic achievement these days is staying awake.
Not eating a bunch of fruit and nuts and hibernating.
I am out of shape. Mentally. Physically.
I just finished a whole bag of mini Kit Kat candy bars.
I wake up, growl, and stumble to the kitchen to eat one or three before going back to bed.
When my wife takes our dog out, he runs directly to the bed when he comes back in. If I’m not there he is perplexed.
So, I hung in there for a while today. Paddled my little heart out. We left before torrential downpours came. The hardest part was getting out of the boat. Ten years ago, fifty pounds ago — not an issue.
It left me really questioning if I wouldn’t prefer living adventures through HDTV.
For dinner tonight, we ate at an all-you-can-eat place. We got there at 5:30. We were dining with our town’s finest octogenarians hot on the trail of a senior discount.
My wife actually said this to me,
“I thought you were going to eat a potato.”
That’s the level of excitement I live at these days.
I realized as I looked at my salad that it was mostly a meat salad. They hide the bacon nowadays with the soup bar. Not a problem. Me and bacon can always find each other in a crowded room. My salad was 90% cheese, bacon, and honey mustard dressing. I can’t believe I didn’t code right there.
At least if I had, there were plenty of wheelchairs and oxygen tanks around.
And my wife could have had my potato.
