You’ll Never Think of Stress Balls the Same Again!

Justin Houston
Jul 10, 2017 · 2 min read

It started with a dull ache.

This was unexpected.

As a teenager, I had an irrational fear. Many irrational fears to be honest. I avoided the “turn your head and cough” exam at all costs.

I did not want a stranger (or a close friend for that matter) feeling my testicles for the advancement of science or my own well being.

What did these guys ever do to anybody?

But as I was nearing the end of college, I was left without a choice.

As fate would have it — several people would get to apply their cold grip to my undercarriage in a decidedly unromantic way. Several general physicians. A urologist.

And the culminating act of ultimate debasement? I had an ultrasound. On my testicles. They were not pregnant. (What a relief!)

Keeping up a conversation with a middle-aged woman while she applies gel to your balls and performs the exam, is a challenge for the greatest conversationalist.

Why was I suddenly a traveling testicles show?

Life is funny.

Why did I have to go through something I had always dreaded and feared?

Our creator has a sense of humor.

The faster you can see the funny in something — the better off you will be.

There was a perfect storm brewing. And I would discover that testicles can contain more than sperm…they can contain stress as well. Apparently.

I was worried about getting a job, planning to get married, my parents of 30+ years of marriage were divorcing (with my mom getting the short end of the stick), and my aunts and uncles were fighting over my grandmother’s custody (and the stewardship of her money). I am probably leaving something out. There was a lot going on.

All of this stress had an effect on the body. It had to manifest itself in some way.

In my case — stress was a literal pain in the…balls. It went away, but only after a nervous breakdown accompanied by a massive panic attack and generalized anxiety. Easy Peezy.

You have to be able to see the funny in life.

This is a real product.

And if you have a fear that you shouldn’t have — don’t be surprised when life brings it back around someday for you to face (or in my case…balls).

Justin Houston

Written by

Writer, Teacher, Comedian…

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