Sounds like you need to find your purpose; your reason; to find fulfilment in what you choose to pursue in life.
Something you might find useful is Simon Sinek’s Start With Why (www.startwithwhy.com). I have no affiliation with Simon or his book except that I believe it is helping me to find purpose, and through this exploration, fulfilment (and re-assurance).
While I can’t imagine the intricacies of what you are going through, I can share that my own faith waxes and wanes over time. For me, (and to borrow from CJ Cregg), faith really is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen. I can’t explain how this has helped me over the years – through searching for confidence, validation, (self-)acceptance, and meaning… it is an individual journey.
Good luck with your own, and thanks for sharing.
