change is not for the weak-minded

I was selfish, abhorrent; devouring darkness as the lust for recognition nagged from within

I exercised inner negligence with fervor

I remember anguished cries lost to the void; voices

vanished to quixotic innocence

I heard cyclic rants; unshackled

thoughts wreaking havoc in my mind; ricocheting

like bullets in my hollow skull

I feared redundancy, conformism, judgment; wondered how I could ever be enough

I thought I was smart, I thought I was wise; how could one ever be so wrong?

But I realized my childish ways, foolishness backing my every word and deed

I felt the desire for growth seeping up through empty hands

a new craving for change

And now

I am b r e a t h l e s s a i r

floating

through days unchanged but different

I seek anthems with heartbeats pounding permanence in me

songs that can carry me home on their verse

I want elegies while I’m still alive; cliches

like movies I never want to end

I crave shouts of conviction; metaphors

spilling over mountains and plains like a thousand tongues swept up by jet streams

I want whispers

soft words more powerful than love could ever breathe

I ache for progression

I hunger for growth

I vow to change.

And though I am lost in the noise and the chaos and the movement and the endless rhythm

I am guided by some melody of hers;

because home is in her arms

and the sound of her voice

could sing every spilled breath to sleep.

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