John Whelan
Nov 6 · 1 min read

I’m so glad you brought this up “ Women run a disproportionately higher risk of being socially chastised for ignoring a nice guy.”

“Nice guys” know this, and bank on it. I unfortunately know this from personal experience.

Your story about the your date being calm and unbothered by the rude guard hits really close to home for me. Your gut may have been telling you this guy is not likely to stand up for himself or for you. Your gut was doing you a favor.

I’m sorry to say it like this but I am of the opinion (based on years of personal experience and unflinching, often painful self reflection) that the nice, mellow, laid back man is often cover for the man who is simply unwilling or very reluctant to engage in meaningful, healthy conflict or to establish boundaries. It’s a valid red flag. Maybe he was that rare bird, but maybe not. Not your job to find out. Acknowledging that you are not compatible is not about wanting to be with a toxic guy, and it’s not about rejecting a “good guy”. In any case you should be able to move on for any reason, without remorse.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.

    John Whelan

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