Conversational Hogs

I get lost in my mind when people start talking to me. I’ll admit it. It’s a terribly selfish thing to do. Especially when people are under the impression that you’re listening. But sometimes I don’t feel guilty about it. Sometimes people deserve it. For instance: there are some people who do such an awful amount of talking, that I start thinking, ‘Well, they’re being conceited dumping all their thoughts on me. Why can’t I be a little conceited and ignore their thoughts while I tend to my own?’ Loquacious people are like neighbors without discretion: hanging their wet underwear out to dry in plain sight for everyone to see. I mean, can you blame me if I start retracting into my head? No one wants to see any of that.

But that’s when I start feeling guilty again. You see, it’s these same poor souls who get themselves locked in this vicious cycle. They keep yacking their brains out, and people start becoming immune to their conversational vomit (probably because they’ve had to put up with it for so long). This in turn results in the yackers yacking even more (because they think if they yack harder, people will listen.)

I’ve been thinking about this social problem for some time, now, and it stresses me out. I’m afraid that the more these people talk, the more lonely they’ll become. What I’d really like to do is give them a pie chart of conversational distribution. When they see the little slice that comprises of my 3% total contribution to the dialogue (which includes such a verbal variety as “yeah,” “uh, huh,” “right”) then maybe they’ll get the gist of what conversational hogs they are.

Proverbs says “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Sounds about right.

Don’t get me wrong. I like talkative people. I like how they liven up parties and fill in awkward silences. But don’t make me pull a conversational pie chart on you. Stop being a conversational vortex and listen once in a while. You’d be surprised what wisdom might lie in the person next to you. You might find that there are some pretty interesting things in the world besides your sorry ass. You might even find that you’re not the center of the universe–and that that’s not such a bad thing after all.