A Tuesday in May….


Me walking into the kitchen: “Sakharam. I was thinking of getting a dog.”

Sakharam: “Is ghar mein main rahoonga ya dooge.” (This house will have a ‘dooge’ or me) “If a ‘dooge’ comes, I will retire and go back to my village.”

Me: “ Oh! But I thought you liked dogs, especially Looney”

S: “No, not at all. She was a terror!”

Looney was a pretty little doggie, who did not believe herself to be a dog — she was people! She was my brother’s friend, my mother’s favourite child and the star of the house! Sakharam was her chosen victim.

Remembering all that I decided to table the discussion for the time being.

Me: “hmmm. Okay listen I am off to work. Do clean my yoga mat please, I will try out the new yoga place tomorrow morn.”

S: “Gym jana band kar diya kya? Kabhi gym hota hai, aab ooga hai. Mujhe to kuch samajh nahi aata” (Have you stopped going to the gym? It was the gym at one time, now it’s ooga. I don’t get what you keep doing.)

I waved goodbye to a confused Sakharam and drove off to work.

He was right. I had joined a popular local gym. They convinced me to sign up for the whole year, said it would be cheaper that way. I went there for two whole weeks and since then, I have been telling myself to go back everyday.

To be honest, it gave me a dreadful case of acne. Yes! Believe it or not I got acne from the gym. Their rooms felt closed off and the air heavy with all sorts of bacteria. The smell of sweat was just too much to put up with at 7 in the morning. I think I might be breaking out in spots even as I am writing this.

My instructor, for some reason had this weird notion that I wanted to be the next Rocky. The first day, I was walking on the treadmill feeling happy with life, when suddenly he appeared next to me.

Instructor: “What are you doing?”

Me: (confused)“ Uhh! I am walking?”

I : “Madam, agar aap lazy ki tarah karoge to kaise hoga?” (Madam, if you work out like ‘lazy’ it won’t work — literal translation)

The way he said it, it was like Lazy was a person we both knew, and he clearly didn’t want me to emulate this character Lazy.

I: “You should be running. Anyhow after you are done with this come for stretching.”

Me: “Okay.”

We started stretching and mid way he said “Good. ab! lazy ki tarah rest karo.” (Good. You can rest like ‘Lazy’ now)

After this, he made me cycle, run on the treadmill, lift weights and finally cycle more all the while admonishing my lazy like demeanour about exercising.

After this very strange and excessive work out I drove back home and that’s when I saw the first spot come up. There was no stopping them after that. I struggled with them for a number of months. I think it was because my hormones went mental with the sudden exercise and coupled with that was the bacteria infused air of the gym.

They are under control now. Well, now I have decided to try Yoga. My first class is tomorrow. Will tell you how it goes.