Thank you for putting into words the way that many Catholics approach their faith today. As a Catholic I can appreciate the role that the faith plays in my life as it calls me to live more faithfully the truth of the Gospel. My question to you is this: If you admittedly do not actively seek to live the teachings of Christ as taught by His church where does your sense of struggle come from? You make clear that you fail to live up to the standards set by the church. This is something which I can also honestly relate to because I am a sinner as well. I very much understand the reality of the feeling that the faith is something very much like a rock in one’s shoe. It makes us uncomfortable. However, you readily admit that you don’t struggle to be like Christ but to just remember him. Is this really a beneficial and healthy way of approaching life? I think you would probably not be impressed with someone who told you something to the effect of “I choose not to eat my vegetables but I always make sure to remember that I should.” One would have to admit that merely remembering to eat veggies because they are good for you is hardly the point of the whole admonition to eat one’s vegetables — rather good health is — and good health isn’t achieved by mere recognition of the goodness of an action. If we are not impressed by such logic why do we accept it in our spiritual lives? Might your struggle be the product of an existential crisis? Perhaps your struggle comes from the fact that you know what should be done but you aren’t doing it? If this is true welcome to the club. I also have this problem and because of this make frequent use of the sacrament of reconciliation. The point is a struggle can useless or useful. Merely recognizing the truth of Catholcism, or remembering the teachings of Our Lord isn’t constructive. The struggle is only good if it results in living the challenges of the Gospel. This I would challenge you to think about. God bless you and keep writing!