The courage in giving up

There’s already beauty in the phrase: giving up.

It’s a present, a gift, it can even be a sacrifice. It’s also hard, harder than you’d expect and definitely harder than they made it seem. It rips your heart, disfigures your dignity, steals your nights and turns your dreams into nightmares. It tightens your throat, waters your eyes, it makes you look weak.

It makes you look like everything they despise, everything you were then told and taught to reject just like them. They tell you that’s what “these people” did to end up this way.

These people. Who are These people?

These-people, is the man sleeping on the street who’s been there for so long you don’t even bother to look at anymore because he’s part of the picture; these-people, is the high school dropout people stopped talking about but kept whispering; these-people, is the woman who went to law school because daddy wants it more than she does but she never got a job after she burnt out in her final year. These-people is so many of us, any of us…most of us actually.

But none of “these people” gave up, in fact the man is still in the same corner of the street, clinging to the pavement and the woman keeps getting ready every morning but never gets passed the courthouse’s doors. They don’t give up, they can’t. They’re not ready for it. They’re too scared of it.

I didn’t want to give up either. I couldn’t at first, I was too scared for that. However, somehow it happened, almost against my will.

It wasn’t easy and careless as it is usually portrayed. It was ugly, like a snotty nose from crying too hard, but still, there was beauty in it.

The beauty found in a quite sea after the hurricane has died, or in laughter while you cry, or in two friends making up after an argument.

The beauty of giving up, of letting go, is a mysterious one. I still don’t know how I gathered enough courage to finally Accept. I don’t know how I finally understood that there’s no point in being scared of the unknown. Because as far as I am concerned, the unknown has always found a way to present me with my biggest struggles but also my greatest moments of joy.

Giving up isn’t an abandon, it’s accepting the challenge of life. It’s accepting that the worst could happen but never forget it might as well be the best.

I took this leap of faith when I had just as much too loose as I had too win and both would shape my future. It took me several years to understand that at some point in one’s life the saying “you get what you do” doesn’t apply anymore, no matter how hard you work or how strong you want it to work. At this very moment, all you’re left with is giving up.

Giving up takes courage because it means accepting that all you’ve based you life upon so far could be a lie. Accepting you don’t have a say in how your life will turn out, accepting you are…well you’re just you and that’s perfect but that’s not all there is.

Giving up takes courage because it means closing your eyes during the most important run of your life but it’s also understanding that this run isn’t a race. Giving up is holding on to the one and only thing that matters: life. Holding on to the way it isn’t always, but definitely the way it should be…which is so much bigger than you! Giving up is blindly believing that all will be good. It’s about trust. It can be about faith. It’s always about hope.

If you liked this little glimpse into my mind don’t be shy and give it a clap and feel free to leave a comment. This will help me reach others who might like it just like you did. – Kenza