It’s currently college midterm week.

Yes I do realise that it’s just an exam. I understand that half the jobs in the future aren’t even going to care about that irrelevant freshman class grade. I know that I could be more productive and I just stopped worrying so much and got some sleep. The problem is—I simply can’t. I have anxiety.

I have refrained from unleashing my temper at some people who are ignorant to the concept anxiety as a mental disorder. After all, it seems reasonable that they remain in the dark because they have never actually experienced an anxiety attack themselves. At times, I know it would be so easy—and so tempting—to angrily inject understanding and empathy into my friends and family. I’m glad I have restrained myself though, because heated preaching will not effectively rid the ignorance other others. Their misconceptions of what true “anxiety” is cannot be entirely be blamed on them. We live in a society that is largely unaware of the term as a real medical issue rather than a common understatement meaning “stress” or “worry”—“this friend conflict gives me anxiety,” “OMG you’re giving me an anxiety attack because you haven’t responded to my text yet.” Unfortunately, anxiety is also a true mental condition that is far more severe than people may understand.

Now that I’m in a much calmer state, I will try my best to paint a picture of the world from an anxiety victim’s view, because I believe words can have the most powerful impact. My intent is not to shame people who lay in oblivion. Rather, it is to spread awareness about the issue, and allow people to have a little more empathy.

The simplest way to describe anxiety: uncontrollable, unpredictable.

It is a physical reaction to a mental state that often has no cause and no warning.

An anxiety attack is like a nightmare—but while you’re awake. Your body becomes an earthquake, complete with lava spewing at the centre and screams of help bursting from all corners of your soul. Then, your body suddenly becomes cold, because regardless of whether global warming exists on earth, it certainly is a concept to your body.

Anxiety attacks feel like your entire world is ending yet you can’t do a damn thing—not even cry—to mitigate the awful, heart-crushing sensation. There will be times when you are sprawled across the couch, wondering if dying feels akin to this feeling that is scooping you hollow from the inside out. It’s a feeling of wanting to scream, bawl your eyes dry, rip out every organ until you feel better or until you feel nothing at all—yet not even being able to move.

Some people struggle to get out of bed in the morning because of lack of motivation and exhaustion. For people with anxiety, the exhaustion factor remains constant, but there is instead a mental to-do list that never ceases to whisper in your ear, a perpetual tug in the back of your brain that cruelly knifes you from the inside. It is a feeling that the entire world will crash down on you if you don’t get up immediately to put a check mark next to something on that list—yet still, you are unable to move, except remain in your perpetual state of fear.

So, please don’t simplify my problem by telling me to “stop stressing out that much, it’s not that big of a deal.” Believe me, I’ve already tried to reason the situation out like that. “It’s just an exam—a B+ will not cease your existence. It’s just an argument—your family cannot hate you forever. A lost cell phone will not initiate the apocalypse—it is time for a new phone anyways.” Anxiety is far more complex than “nerves,” and something a “chill pill” can fix. I mentally acknowledge that I’m worrying an irrational amount about something that’s not as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be—the difference is though, that I physically and emotionally cannot make that distinction. My body and emotions are simply not at the pace of my brain, and I can’t change that.

All we want, as people who struggle with anxiety, is to be taken seriously—to not be brushed aside as too big of a worrier, a maniac who can’t control stress; labeled as OCD or depressed, or worst of all, too uptight. Please understand.