attendance

I’m wading desperately through the entropy

Sticky desolation up to my knees

I’m struggling

You could say at the least

Every step heavier than the last

Demons filling me up with lead

Every crease and crevice

I’ll evade your gaze

As I lose my rays

as I shed my days

Like the skins of snakes

Papery flakes

I can’t handle your eyes

So vacant, so unsurprised

You don’t know me

I’m not your inferior

You have no comprehension of the human mind

The fragile kind

You have no concept of the word

You rip me open with your eyes

With your routinely rehearsed lines

You and your robotic hungry kind

You don’t understand

I’m a human, bruised on my knees

I’ve tripped a thousand times today at least

My organs are stitched together with fraying thread

In this house of cards educational facility

Colder and stiffer than my hospital bed

You call in sick days

But I’ve got sick ways

I’m a student but I’m human

Typically not synonyms

But my mental stability

It is teeter-tatering on reliability

Between your military facility

And my inevitable insanity

Because I’m the youth

I fall and I bleed

My eyes to crippled to see

So if I don’t come to school

Don’t you dare ask me

Especially don’t interrogate me

Don’t aggravate me

You don’t know that my morning has consisted of:

Self loathing, patriarchy’s imposing

Social stoning, raw boning

My loaning, sealed with a kiss to OSAP

All I’m owning

Bull-dozing of all my rows of thorny roses

I tried to split myself in crimson twos, like Moses

So I could be here and there

When n’ where

To fill all the demands you neatly prepare

Like my Biblical brother

I’ll never see the promise land

If I feed from your abusive hand

Seeds that never sowed, only reaped

Never gave, only keeped

And unlike the Red Sea

When you divide me

I will not conquer.

I will fail.

My biological contingency on

bodily monogamy will prevail

And I will bleed from every vessel

I will tear at ever seam

and I’ll waste away

in room 204

because instead of asking me

Where I was this morning

You asked me why I wasn’t

If you asked me where I was

Even pretending to care

Maybe things would be different.

Maybe things would be fair.

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