Empathy is not Endorsement

Kaavya Pathirana
Aug 9, 2017 · 3 min read
doodle by @artofvicky :) go insta-stalk the talented and beautiful Vicky!

Suicide is everywhere— but I think we feel it’s existence more prominently now because people are seemingly more vocal about being in pain, or being open to supporting one another through that pain.

This may be a controversial post.. but here goes.

In case you’ve missed all my poetry and writing since recent; you’d assume that I was suicidal too. I don’t think I am. Death is not what I am after; neither is it a sense of nothingness. I am after clarity — a type of clarity that I don’t trust the uncertainty of death to be handing out. But it’s a path that has many ups’ and downs.. a work in progress, if you may. Anyway; this is not about that :) (phew!)

Recently; I was called out for always speaking on behalf of the person who chose to end their life. The person who chose suicide; thought it out, calculated it, and went through with the action. We’ve probably heard someone who says things like “how could they do that do their family?” or “he/she was so young.. what problems could they possibly have had?” or “if they couldn’t handle the problem they should have told someone”. This annoys me. It’s not my place to judge the people who judge the dead.. but I am here, simply annoyed; constantly, because people lack empathy. I wish people were more conscientious about why people resort to suicide. I wish they questioned the environment of toxicity they survived in for as long as they could.. I wish they extended a smile instead of an eye-roll each time that person came off as “emo” or “extra”.

This makes me so grateful for the people who are genuinely aware of suicide and those who are actually committed to being there for each other. Depression is a confusing thing, and as far as I know; it’s different for so many people. Thinking of suicide and actually committing it; is 2 different things in my opinion.

Just because I say I understand why they went through with it; doesn’t mean that what they did was the “right thing”. It is a terrible decision… one that is triggered by so much excruciating pain that may stem from insecurities and fears.. a pain that most of us cannot even fathom. In the surface.. It may seem selfish. But we need to be more open-minded and far less judgmental about this.. People trapped in darkness don’t knock on doors that pretend to be open because you put up a status on social media but in actuality say tactless things like “don’t be an idiot” — just stop. Seeking help, is so incredibly difficult. That’s why it needs to be respected and not belittled.

I cannot imagine the amount of pain that converts into confidence (or whatever you want to call it) to actually end your own life.. To submit yourself to uncertainty; because in that moment — anything is better than breathing in a life that brings you so much unhappiness or emptiness. That threshold.. that propensity — is probably the most terrifying thing, to be alone with.

It’s not okay.. and more often that not; we are left with anger and disbelief after it happens. We blame them for being selfish for leaving us? Well well well. Isn't that a tad bit hypocritical. Why is this, all of a sudden about us.

I genuinely don’t believe that me saying all of this makes me an “advocate” for suicide.

Why is empathy so misconstrued? Is it because the majority of society is too busy to be able to identify it?

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