Find Freedom in Peace.

How does one cope with losing people they haven’t even met? I don’t know. I wish I knew.
Chris Cornell from Audio Slave/ Soundgarden, and more recently Chester Bennington from Linkin Park passed away. They both committed suicide. They were both lyrical architects and artists who have (I refuse to use past tense rn) such powerful and unique voices. And I remember hearing Be Yourself and Numb for the first time. I didn’t understand the pain they projected at first.. but then, I guess I just fell in love with their craft, their art. Because it made me feel like I heard someone else sing about things I felt. People related to the words they sang, because it made us feel like our darkest fears and insecurities were validated — if they sang about it, it meant we were not alone. And it’s interesting how the lyrics of these songs grow up with you… and apply themselves into the moments that surround you on days where it feels a little lonelier than most. They were uplifting.. they told us to keep holding on because it’ll be okay.. They’ve had a silent impact on my heart and survival; I was always aware of their value in my own life, but I think we tend to feel it like a freaking tsunami when they just die.
They’re gone.
And this struck me pretty hard; on both occasions. I know it sucker-punched a lot of us.. the kids who grew up with this music in our ears; belting it out because it was so damn therapeutic. For me; everything kinda came to a stop. When Chris Cornell died.. I immediately hopped on YouTube and dug up the videos I used to watch so frequently.. His acoustic covers.. his own music. I cried as I listened to his cover of Redemption Song.. these songs of freedom (to quote the song), were never enough to save him ultimately :( and that thought, is extremely unsettling.
During this painful time, I stumbled across a video of Cornell singing Crawling with Linkin Park. What a fucking amazing harmony. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_v1SLIt01Q) Their friendship was so evident in this clip.. This helped my own process of accepting Cornell being gone, and the way he left. I had this video and a bunch of Cornell songs on repeat.. for 2 months.
On his birthday.. Linkin Park lead singer Chester Bennington also committed suicide. I for one, did not see that coming. The eclipse of all of these significant events and links made it worse somehow. This was heartbreaking.. because most of us are incapable of comprehending how we will continue to exist in a world where there will be no new music projected by his monstrous yet soft vocals. I could not stop the tears for hours upon hearing this. It was around midnight when I knew.. and holy crap. That was a tough day to get through. People were sad.. people are *still* sad, and I am certain that a part of us will always remain sad.
People say how they left doesn’t matter. And I agree.. it shouldn't. But why is it that, the most painful part for me personally is that itself?
We are nobody to judge how a man leaves this world.. may it be by a natural course, an accident or a choice; and in times like this, empathy is key. It is key to accepting...and it is key to our own eventual healing. Every time I image the gravity and heaviness of the pain they must have felt in their hearts.. the helplessness that must have consumed them in that tipping moment.. it really mortifies me.
I cannot stop listening to their music.. and every time I do — it cripples a little part of my soul. They were some of the men who made me fall completely in love with the way words can be used in a song.. and identify the power of the formations of phrases to make you feel something in your heart. They were and are right up there for me with bands like Shinedown and Alter Bridge.
This hurts. It feels helpless to miss someone you feel like you knew. Someone who has sang the right words to save you from your own demons. There is no consolation at this moment to me, than their own music. Which is a terrible mix of irony, devastation and pain, to a ratio of little healing — because the music that was incapable of saving them, is what is saving me now.
This one, is for you both; Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington.
It pains me to know that I will continue to live this maddening life while knowing you chose to stop being alive.. But as my brother pointed out to me; I must be grateful. Grateful to have found your art in this vibrant world.. grateful to understand it in my own capacity and genuinely love it. I am grateful.. that you both existed. I am grateful for the courage that your hearts had throughout your life.. including the moment it all changed for you... It is not a weakness.. I wish things were different. But I know, that nobody wished that, more than the two of you individually. And every last drop of hope in me today is hoping that you two have found a sense of peace that outweighs the pain of having to fight within yourselves.
“I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway.
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky.
I am not your blowing wind, I am the lightning.
I am not your autumn moon, I am the night… night.”
“When you’ve suffered enough
And your spirit is breaking
You’re growing desperate from the fight…
Remember you’re loved
And you always will be
This melody will bring you right
Back home”
Rest In Peace.. Rock In Peace..
Find Freedom… in peace.
