State of mind of a young, inexperienced, first-time CEO
What the fuck is happening? Business is happening. Nobody around me was ready, nobody saw that coming, nobody has the proper experience to know exactly how to handle this. By this, I mean a bit of growth. By this I mean a relatively good monthly revenue. By this I mean going from fake-ass problems to real life problems. Think a break-up at 15 years old from a 2 month relationship versus a divorce. Maybe a divorce with one kid. A kid you loved.
We are a bunch of smart people talking and making decisions with absolute uncertainty but making them sound like no-brainers. That is how good, at the art of persuasion, we are. This is also when being smart stops working. You become your own enemy. And it is scary as shit.
Making it that far makes you feel alive. Especially when you’re coming from a 3 year-old venture of zero revenue. All that frustration you lived day after day after day, dreaming of the morning your notification bar will display a transaction confirmation. All that pep talk you stopped believing in but had to pass on to your peers to live another day. Sometimes you feel like this will never end, you feel like time has frozen forever, and you are stuck with this crappy version of yourself, an infinite loser wandering in space… business agony.
And then, gradually, thanks to what you’ve learned, things start to change. Because now you have realistic milestones. And because now you are no longer playing ALL-IN. Now you are a bit wiser. Now you feed yourself with small wins, small achievable hills, as Seth Godin put it. Now you are wearing shoes that fit, and can therefore walk properly.
That state-of-mind makes you breathe again. You feel relief. The sort like landing after a long flight. You smile more and try to make people around you smile. This is your first time doing actual business. The club you longed to be part of is finally letting you in. The second you set foot there, though: SURPRISE! The nightmarish wall that was holding you back is fucking back. It’s a bigger wall, and comes with a legion of tiny walls as a bonus.
This is a defining moment for you. This is where you start panicking and grasping at the first decision to come to mind, just so you can make that abomination disappear as quickly as possible. You can’t stand the sight of it, you just want to close your eyes and let your entourage make it go away. This is you letting go. Square one terrifies you, so you decide that being a founder is not your thing.
Or, something magical happens: you finally realize that THIS IS actually IT. This is what it’s all about. An infinite series of problems and set-backs you will have to solve. From a bootstrapped two person Startup, to building a 10,000 person empire. It is always going to be the same. Day in and day out. You, making decisions. You, handling stuff that goes wrong. Be it an email from Digitalocean, suspending your $5 droplet, a million dollars worth of cargo stuck in Shenzhen, or a letter from the FDA, rejecting your billion dollar drug.
You now believe that you have what it takes to face anything. You trust your skill-set and the tight team you’ve gathered. After a few rounds of bypassing, cracking and solving different situations, you are hooked. This is your new addiction now, you feel alive if, and only if, you are in that mode. Your mind shifts and so do your motivations. You are no longer doing it for the exit. You are no longer ending your pitch to your loved-ones with a reminder of your life’s plan b. You are embracing risk and uncertainty.
If you only knew that from the beginning. You would have kept it lean. You would have divided your war into tiny battles. You would have faced bricks instead of a giant wall. Small bricks would have given you that feeling of accomplishment early-on, and triggered an understanding of what founding a company is all about. Your phobia would have never seen the light.
Of course, feeling liberated is not what will make your business thrive. Business is complex. But still, it is a hell of a prerequisite. One that will make you, my friend, enjoy the journey.
I am making sure I enjoy mine at Hidden Founders. It’s been more than two years now since I made that mindset shift. It is now my biggest asset. And I truly hope that it becomes yours too.
