My Realization Note

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”
— Henry David Thoreau

I’ve always desired to write, capturing that cinematic essence and putting my thoughts down on paper. As I settled into my chair and opened Google Docs, I found myself at a loss for words, struggling to hold onto my thoughts and even forgot the ideas swirling in my mind.

Writing has never come easily to me. I often wonder if great writers possess a secret talent for expressing themselves.

I have yet to discover my own, but with a flicker of hope and an overflow of emotions, these are the words that spill forth.. It’s frustrating how certain writers can make me feel inadequate with their exceptional mastery of language, especially those who can beautifully articulate emotions.

Perhaps I’m approaching it all wrong. Perhaps!

Let me bore you with my not so interesting story which I tried to write.

Lately, I’ve been immersing myself in my smartphone and the like, which only serve to frustrate me. The information presented is always polished, clean and rewritten to make it appear unquestionably correct or make us feel in such a way.

Isn’t it time for me to start questioning it?

Allow me to elucidate why this shift in thinking occurred.

One evening, I dined alone at a restaurant. I had brought my own bike and had inadvertently left my smartphone behind. My husband was running late and would join me after finishing work nearby. I felt bored. Nonetheless, I relish solitude, using it as an opportunity to observe people (I assure you, I’m not a stalker) and soak in the surroundings. Suddenly, in that precise moment, I felt an urge to write, despite not knowing why. Grabbing a pen from my sling bag, I realized I had no paper. So, I utilized the lengthy bill provided by the restaurant. As I began writing, those around me looked at me differently, or perhaps my mind was simply playing tricks on me. Regardless, in that very instant, I adored it. The experience was enchanting, liberating, and weightless. I felt unburdened, as though I had shed all my worries. I was doing something I love without a bit of worry. The moment felt surreal, yet beautifully simple. It dawned on me that my smartphone had been burdening me, often distracting me from the curiosity and inquisitiveness I once possessed. These illusions they create are like a bird trapped in a cage is what I felt.

Now, if you assume that I had an epiphany, discarded my smartphone, and now live without it, well, you’re wrong. I still use my smartphone. However, I have begun to question everything I have been led to believe.

And, yes, I started writing or trying to!

Have any of you ever felt the same way? If so, know that you’re not alone. There are many of us who share these sentiments.

If you believe this writing to be rubbish, feel free to discard it from your mind.

Thank you for your time, regardless.

Until this procrastinating writer lost and finds her dumb enlightenment again,

K