My name is Kaelyn and I am depressed.
Every day getting out of bed is a thought out action. Suffering from depression doesn’t mean that I don’t have joy or experience greatness but it does mean that there is always a piece of me that is sad and hopeless. Think of Winnie the Pooh; there is a character that is involved in everything the animals of the forest do, yet he is always able to see the negative in it. I don’t try to be pessimistic, actually I actively try to see the best in all situations; but my internal self fights joy.
I have tried so many things to disarm this grey cloud from enveloping my life. Routines help so many find structure; for me it created intense anxiety. While others turn to relationships; for me I would leave more dark than I entered. For me the only hope I have is in The Lord. I know many people, including myself at a time, struggle with the Christian hypocrisy but looking past that is where I find strength.
Having something to live for, while sounding totally cliche, is the most rewarding thing. 2 Corinthians 12:7–10 is one of many verses from which I find comfort. Whatever choice I make God is able to help me be strong, if I ask. More than The Word I also am comforted by the community that I have. There is a world of people that struggle, and in that world there is a collection of people who turn to the same strength. Being part of that group give us all a deeper connection that many others don’t even know that they aren’t experiencing. Honestly I don’t know where I would be without the people that seek their strength from the same healthy place, The Lord.
Now turning to the Man in the sky isn’t something that should be done at the worst moments in life, instead it should be an every day occurrence. My mom says, “God isn’t soda that you enjoy occasionally, He is water that you should always have with you”, this isn’t always easy but it is important. Consistency in any relationship is important. Going to a friend only when a struggle is being experienced isn’t a heathy relationship. So I turn to my Friend as often as I remember; telling Him of the good and the bad, asking Him for advice, and requesting His presence in all that I do. The key is that I invite Him into relationship.
The Lord wants the best for everyone’s life, yet He continues to allow us to make decisions that aren’t exactly best for us. Why? Because He loves us enough to let us figure it out on our own. Think for a moment, if a friend was in a relationship with someone that controlled their every move any friend worth their weight would tell them to leave the abusive relationship. Why would someone expect any good relationship to be rooted in manipulation and control? It is the same with God. I choose everyday to be in relationship with Him. And in turn He gives me strength, comfort, and directs me to a future worth living.
My name is Kaelyn and I am depressed. But with the Lord I have an everlasting joy.
