Faith, Hope and Love — the Greatest of Them Is Love
What Kind of Person Do You Want to Be? — August 3rd, 2012
Back when I was a junior at Del La Salle College, I started writing things down in my “dreams come true” diary. About something I would like to keep in mind and something related to my future. Usually I wrote down quotes and encouraging bible verses, but it could also be things like “25 must have qualities of my future husband,” “what kind of wife/mother I will be” and “what I will do as a wife/mother.”
On August 3rd, 2012, I made a list of what kind of person I wanted to be.
I wrote…
#1 Someone who delights other people
#8 Someone who loves (especially the loved ones)
#9 Someone who never fails to smile and laugh
I wanted to be the one who always makes other people happy, comforts them in their troubles, and loves them unconditionally. Well…, I should admit that I always wanted, deep inside, for people to love and care about me in return. So, it means that I clearly failed in loving unconditionally. On the surface, however, I seemed fine with one-way love. Until recently.
A few weeks ago, I finally realized that my love, attention, and affection can be bothersome, irritating, and annoying. Having realized that, I thought that rather than holding on to those who do not appreciate or those who do not want me to care, why don’t I let people walk out of my life? I would rather love myself, not expect anything from anyone, and only focus on those who seem appreciative of my efforts.
But my question is, “can I really let people go”?
When I reflect on the past few years of my life, the answer is “no.” Trust me, every time I tried to let people go, I could never stop thinking of them. I always knew it takes time and practice to get there, but it just never worked for me. Even though I understood that I can’t please everyone and that one-sided love exists, it was still hurtful when I liked someone and they didn’t feel the same way about me. But I never lost hope. Maybe someday they will be appreciative of what I have been giving, and will love me back, right?
Nope. Stop. Don’t be such a fool, Kaelyn. As Buddha said, “do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment” — remember to concentrate the mind on your present self only. Love yourself first, so you know what you deserve.
Consequently, I decided to delete my dearest Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat on my phone, so that I become less attached to people.
Daily Reading for Sunday — January 31st, 2016
I grabbed some facial tissues to the mass. I knew I will cry — this dilemma of whether I should love or not, who I should love, and to what extent. At this point, I should make a confession. Even though I am a commentator at church, I do not pay attention to daily readings, both the first and the second. But this week was different. I was listening. And the second reading of First Corinthians hit me hard.
Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offence or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love never comes to an end. — 1 Corinthians 13:4–8
Yes, it is true that I am hurt and emotionally damaged. I am too scared to love again. People come and go, and I do not want to waste my emotions on those who will leave me. But if love is really patient and kind, why don’t I give myself a second chance? Love itself is not perilous. It was just the way I present my love to others. I should have understood how much they are ready and willing to receive. I should have been more patient and waited until they opened their hearts. But, I mixed up love and attachment — I was obsessed with some people I love.
“Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. She has but doesn’t possess, acts but doesn’t expect.” — Lao Tzu
Now that I have read First Corinthians, I will try to open my heart again; love again; be patient. There is even a saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I believe it means that only those who have loved and suffered can be empathetic.
Some people will still walk away from me. But, as I just said, I will love again. Even if people do not love me now, I want to become the one who will always put a smile on their faces when they recall my name. Because these remain: faith, hope and love, the three of them; and the greatest of them is love — 1 Corinthians 13:13