trust is a two-way street

“Drowning sun” ~Irum Shahid

once again,
i should have known
youʻre off.
damn it, weʻve gone over this so many times before,
it should be, as you like to say
beating a dead horse:
you need your meds.
stay on your meds.
yeah, iʻm telling you what to do.
but you know what?
iʻve watched you stumble down this road 
far too many times
and this time,
thereʻs blood dripping down your wrist,
and blood in my eyes
and i canʻt have blood on my hands
you say no one else is sticking around
they say they canʻt take more of this anymore.
so now youʻre coming to me.
i wish i could tell you
because this fucking hurts,
it hurts that you lied through your teeth
the day you did it,
knowing damn well what your plan was,
while you said you wanted to go out and drink, could i go,
knowing i couldnʻt break my schedule.
it hurts knowing that you couldnʻt trust me,
to talk to me about the doubts and fears and pain and guilt and shame that fills you that you hide -
i guess youʻre hiding it so well, even you canʻt see it
i can,
and it hurts to know that it hurts you,
but until youʻre willing to deal with that,
you gotta find salvation
for you
and me
in those little pills
because if i lose you,
itʻs gonna hurt.