They say “age is just a number” (such an annoying saying isn’t it?). As someone who minored in Mathematics both in High School and University, trust me when I tell you numbers do matter a lot. In any equation for instance, when you change a 4 to a 4.05 you get completely different results.
One could say we live our lives and think of it in chapters. Usually, when a chapter ends, there are some changes that we go through whether consciously or subconsciously. Our teenage years and adulthood are two different chapters, and as the chapters flip, so do we, whether we want to and are aware of it or not.
Now to me
Yesterday marked the start of my third chapter, a confusing chapter mostly because I don’t know what to feel and am not sure what it’s going to be like. Somehow, at 4 in the morning, sitting on my bed, I felt like betraying my introverted self and writing this article. Sharing a piece of me with the world is the best way to break through into this scary but exciting new chapter.
As I move to the third floor, here are 13 reflections and lessons I have learned;
1. Win-win
“The sky is big enough for all the stars to shine”
This is something I strongly believe in. You don’t need others to fail for you to win, we can all prosper. Ask yourself what would a win-win look like for someone sitting across the table.
2. Personal growth
“What’s not growing is as good as dead, so don’t die while you are still breathing”
I believe that each of us can change for the better. The easiest path is marginal improvements. Pick one area of your life to improve and watch it ripple and pour to other areas. Remember, you don’t have to leap from 0 to 100; just be consistent in your pursuit for betterment.
3. A day at a time
“If people just took it a day at a time, they’d be a lot happier.” ― Richard Bachman
To make a good life, follow the rhythm, follow your beat and do not rush it. Take one step after the other, a day at a time.. heck even a second to another. “mdo mdo”
4. You are not important
We live in times where people (YOU in particular) have a false sense of importance and entitlement. Your entitlement makes you think the world revolves around you. This burden weighs on your shoulder as you wake up every day believing people care about every small step you take. Newsflash!
Nobody really cares about your purple or redshirt. And whoever you are dating is your problem. You will never make it to the top of the list of most people’s lives; they have their own problems to deal with. You are not important, live deliberately, freely, and enjoy life to the fullest.
5. Find your tribe and stick to it
“Some people will hear you louder in silence. Those are your tribe — they’ll get you through the tough days and give you something to laugh about on the ride.” — Nikki Rowe.
Whom you surround yourself with matters more than most things. So choose your close circle wisely. While at it, have class, not everyone is supposed to get close to you, have them meet your set of standards and values.
People who surround you should nourish you, push you and at the very least not hate on you.
6. Start with what you have
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” — Arthur Ashe
We are almost always stuck on how to realise our dreams, and one thing (amongst others) my nine years of entrepreneurship has taught me is to start with what you have, with where you are and whichever way you can. Anza tu.
7. Coexist
“It’s coexistence or no existence.” — Bertrand Russell
We are stuck here together so we might as well allow each one of us to take up their space. By space I mean they can have their own bodies, ideas and life and you can have yours, The world is big enough for all of us to make and enjoy life.
8. Compartmentalize your life
“I have been truly blessed with the ability to compartmentalize the many competing agendas in my mind. Because of this I can shut it off and enjoy the moment “ — Arlene Dickinson
Not everyone is your mom, yes? Then why do you assume that everyone is your friend? Organize your life, relationships included and put everything where it should be, this will help you balance the expectations and bring clarity on who has to do what in your life.
9. Your kids are not yours
Children are given to us by virtue of responsibility but not possession. Your children are their own people.
So guide them, nurture them to be the best version of themselves, don’t impose your ideas but rather nudge them to a direction you wish for them, explore, learn their way, and most importantly when the time comes let them fly their way.
Book recommendation; THE TALENT CODE, greatest isn’t born, it’s grown, here’s how — Daniel Coyle
Amazon link; https://www.amazon.com/Talent-Code-Greatness-Born-Grown/dp/055380684X
10. They will pay what you price yourself.
“Kai, have you ever entered a supermarket and taken an item; say eggs with a 5000 price tag on them and begged to pay 2,000 instead?”
Your response must be as good as mine, a resounding NO! That was a conversation with my late mentor. He explained there are places you can’t ask for a discount and that should teach you that people will always value you with what you have tagged yourself, and so know your price and then add some.
11. You get what you focus on.
“Our focus is our future and what we focus on will multiply in our life.” — David DeNotaris.
In a group session, we were once asked to tell what time is it from The late Chairman Reginald Mengi’s (my former boss and mentor) watch, we all read the time and then he asked us;
“What brand of a watch am I wearing”.
Puzzled, we didn’t have an answer as our focus was reading the time. He smiled then told us how one can only get in life what they focus on, to experience the wonders of life, keep your eyes open for and with that you will see more than what you were looking for.
12. A leader’s power is on his ears
Of all the skills of leadership, listening is the most valuable — and one of the least understood. Most captains of industry listen only sometimes, and they remain ordinary leaders. But a few, the great ones, never stop listening. That’s how they get word before anyone else of unseen problems and opportunities.” — Peter Nulty,Fortune Magazine
Years ago, I witnessed my mentor being Surrounded by hundreds of opinions and complaints of which they all required him to either decide in their favour or take their side, I wondered how he was able to deal with it all. I couldn’t help but share my audience frustration, The secret recipe, turns out, is none other than listening. He explained, by genuinely listening to people, they feel less burdened. And even when one hasn’t solved their problem, they will feel a little bit better.
13. Time matters.
“Time is more value than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” — Jim Rohn
Time is the only limited resource on this short-lived, fast-paced life we live in, and while you are here make it count, I for one have pledged for myself to live more without limiting myself, do more. Without fear of failure nor overanalyzing (topic for another day) and be more without conforming myself to a single definition, we are multidimensional beings, we are colourful in every way and so be the rainbow that you are.
That is my pledge and my challenge in this next chapter of my life.
Join me to LIVE MORE, DO MORE AND BE MORE.
With love,
Kai.
