Why I let him go

The reason why I let go the one I respected more than loved

I hope he now understands what I did and why. 
It certainly wasn’t his fault. And I do not feel it was completely mine either. We weren’t a fit, not on that moment and maybe never again. If he asked me why I did it… I was quiet. I had all the answers in me but I decided to give him the most decent and annoyingly “correct” reasons.

I kept quiet. 
Because I simply felt it is not my right to bring out the things someone else might love about him. It is not my right to direct the course of our ship if I am the only one taking control of sailing. It is not my right to make him feel uncertain about himself, when someone out there will love and adore those sides about him. 
My only right was to be honest. 
I loved him deeply, but not truly enough. But I respected him more than loved. And I respected his time… I couldn’t keep him for myself if I knew that true happiness was somewhere for him. Not just with me.

Time is something I value the most. Time is all we have and something we’ll never get back. The most disrespectful thing to do to another person is not respect their time. To keep them hanging. To keep them waiting. To keep them in the shadows. To keep them lost and confused.

I might have seemed selfish because he was the one who got hurt more. 
But actually… it would have been selfish from me to keep him for myself. And not value his time in this earth. 
I was keeping him away from better lands, just because I wasn’t sure where I was standing. I might have seemed so, so truly selfish. But it would have been more selfish to let him hang on my hook and at the same time me, running around in the world, trying to understand if I even like fishing.

We were together, but we were half. 
I believe that you’re not supposed to be half. You could be each other’s better halves but not just, simply, one half and another. Because we should be whole, on our own. On that time we were just looking to belong somewhere but did not belong to ourselves.

I wouldn’t change anything. We let each other go, floated to better harbors. And hopefully hearts. He was scared to be free, he was scared of losing me. But because of that I guess he found himself. And I’m not congratulating my self on that… but I am truly glad he did.