Birth Control in Review

God, that little pink plus sign is so unholy

I’m 24, I’ve been sexually active for over 7 years, and I have so far avoided the dreaded positive pregnancy test. I remember Juno being one of my favorite movies as a kid and I watched and rewatched with joint fascination and horror at the unfolding events. While I have always known I want to be a mother someday, that someday isn’t today or tomorrow or even any day in the next 6–8 years. I want to be a mother on my own terms when I’m ready emotionally, physically, and financially. Because of this, and because of my ever-changing body and needs, I have used several different methods of birth control. I figure, since there’s no Yelp for birth control and it can be nice to hear from real people with real experiences, I’d give a bit of a review on the methods that I’ve used so far. Hopefully it will help people who are looking into getting birth control or switching it up or are just curious about how it is experienced by a real actual human and not a paid actor in an ad.

Disclaimers:

1. My body is not your body. Just because I experienced these methods of birth control in this way does not mean that you will have the same experience.
2. I will also say that my experiences and anecdotes with these birth control methods are from my perspective as the female partner in heterosexual encounters. However, some of these methods may be used by any combination of pairings and this post is primarily meant to be sex positive and give some perspective on real-life experience with said method. If you have a different experience, feel free to share it via comment/response!
3. Finally, this subject matter could easily transition into or comment on abortion. I want to keep focused on the matter at hand, contraception, and leave it at that but for the record, I am very much in the pro-choice camp.

In order to keep this moving in an order and at a pace that makes sense to me, I have placed them in chronological order of use. Again, this is just a review of the 6 birth control methods I have used in my lifetime (not including abstinence because we all know how effective that is). There are many other options out there besides the ones listed here for birth control and I encourage you to take a peek at Planned Parenthood’s materials on birth control as they do a great job!

This post will cover the male condom, the pill, the birth control ring, Plan B, the hormonal IUD, and the depo shot, in that order.

Without further ado…

But actually, go get yourself some!

The (male) condom

What a great thing! I mean, I guess it depends on who you ask and some guys will complain and mope about how much condoms suck. But really they should be happy that they’re not exposing themselves to whatever my body’s got going on because the condom is the only birth control method that will also protect against STDs! Highly recommend using the condom every time you have sex with somebody unless you are monogamous and have both been tested since you’ve been with any other partners. It works as a sort of shield that is stretched over the entire penis from shaft to tip and sorta vacuum seals in all the ooey gooey.

Things that are great about condoms:

• They’re relatively cheap. Costco sells a 40 pack for $15! Overly optimistic? We’ll see…
• They’ve got a long shelf-life. Most condoms purchased today don’t expire until 2024… that means that you can make the relatively small investment in a pack of them and keep them for years to come!
• They are the only birth control method that will protect you from STDs. Yep, I said it already but it’s definitely one of the main great things about them
• They come in a number of colors, sizes, materials, and some even have weird little ridges or dots that make things interesting I guess. Some of them even have flavors (mm… green apple) and there is definitely one that has some sort of icy-hot-like lubricant… talk about a wild ride!
• They contain the mess nicely and make after-sex clean-up super easy!
• They are kinda fun to put on!

There are a few downsides to condoms as well that should be noted:

• They can decrease sensitivity for both partners but especially the one wearing the condom. I mean, this isn’t the end of the world, sex is still fun, and it can even prolong the wonderful experience for those of our sex friends with a little less stamina. However, some guys (read assholes) will try to convince you that condoms are the devil’s invention and that they make sex feel like waiting in line at the DMV and it’s just not even worth having sex in the first place. Fuck those guys (figuratively, not literally). If you still really want to have sex with somebody and they are giving a stink about condoms, just tell them that you “could be full of STDs… who knows” and hopefully they will come around and wrap it up. I have used this method and it worked like a charm (despite the fact that I am not, in fact, full of STDs).
• Sometimes weird things can happen like a condom breaking or coming off inside you. These are rare but possible occurrences.
• They do take away a bit of the ability to be spontaneous. You have to plan a little by having a condom handy in the place where you think you may need them. I keep most of mine in my bedside table and a few in my glove compartment (haha get it?) in my car.

I wish the pill I have came in this cool case!

The pill

I got the pill like many teenage girls by convincing my parents that it would “help with my acne.” I mean, to be fair, for many people it totally does help with acne and cramps and any number of issues that happen when your body is rapidly changing from child to adult. For me, I didn’t really have that bad of acne but I did really want to be safe against the Juno scenario. The pill was a nice option for me. I didn’t experience any negative side effects and my acne did actually clear up a bit! I used it as a teenager and I am actually using it again now because, for me, it had the least amount of side effects.

Great things about the pill:

• Can help with other issues you may be experiencing like acne or cramps or irregular/unpredictable periods
• On that note, makes your periods SUPER predictable
• Or, you can skip the placebo week and skip your period altogether! I skip the sugar pills and haven’t had my period in months. It’s great!
• On that note, doctors now are realizing that your period really isn’t necessary and so they are giving prescriptions for pills that allow you to skip the sugar pills. Yahoo!

There are some bummers about the pill… mainly that

• You have to remember it every day. It’s especially effective if you can remember it every day around the same time. This was not hard for me in high school because I had a relatively consistent schedule and a supportive mother who helped me remember. It is also not so hard for me now that I’m an adult with a more normal schedule (though my mom never reminds me anymore, what gives?). This was, however, very difficult for me to do in college when my schedule was ever-changing and really tricky to keep consistent.
• According to plannedparenthood.org, the pill is 91% effective when used correctly. Because I’m using them in conjunction with condoms, I’m not too worried about that but that percentage leaves a 9% failure rate which is definitely something to think about. Many other birth control methods have a higher effectiveness rate.

Excerpt from the amazing Nuvaring ad, full version linked below!

Birth control ring

I used Nuvaring for a time in high school after I realized there were other options from the pill. It’s a flexible weird ring that you place as far up the vagina as you possibly can so it sits against the cervix and delivers those sweet sweet hormones on a slow-release. When I was prescribed it I was instructed to keep it in for 3 weeks and then take it out for the 4th week to get my period.

Here’s what I liked about it:

• I didn’t have to remember every day! Oh man, that was a game changer. Not having to remember every day felt like the biggest relief.
• Easy to insert and remove. Nuff said.
• Couldn’t feel it inside of me at all. Didn’t disrupt any of my regularly scheduled programming like cross country running or ultimate frisbee.
• These days, you can just change it once a month and skip periods altogether!
• Had really cool commercials like this one.

There were a couple of downsides:

• Your partner can sometimes feel it during sexual encounters which can be alarming if they’re not expecting it (Um babe? Are you storing hairties in your vag?). You can take it out during encounters but you have to remember to put it right back in and that can be an uncomfortable conversation.
• There were a few scary articles that came out due to a few Nuvaring users getting life-threatening or even lethal blood clots. This is a known side effect but a very uncommon one. You can ask your doctor about it and whether or not Nuvaring might work for you.

*Swoon* Stiles… I love you and your support of emergency contraception

Plan B

There’s a reason this is called Plan B. Sometimes there are issues with your original birth control plan or you weren’t able to plan for whatever reason. Maybe you missed a few of your pills or a condom broke… maybe you forgot to, neglected to, or weren’t able to use a condom in the first place. These scenarios are a great candidate for Plan B. Plan B is more effective the faster you take it after sex and can be effective up to 5 days after. I have only used it once and as an emergency contraceptive. It is not recommended to use as a primary birth control for a number of reasons. You can see why in the downsides below.

But first, here’s what I liked about it:

• You can buy it at most grocery and drugstores, you don’t have to show your id, and you don’t have to be a certain age to get it.
• It can stop a pregnancy as effectively as many other birth control methods if taken quickly after sex.
• It can give you peace of mind when you don’t use a condom or when something with your birth control is wrong.

But there are a number of downsides:

• It’s expensive! Usually around $40–50, the price tag alone makes it a definite plan b, not plan a!
• It’s less effective over time, so you need to get it right away which may not always be convenient or even possible
• It’s dosed for a certain body type so women who are of a higher BMI are more likely to get pregnant while using Plan B. This was addressed in the Hulu original series Shrill which I highly recommend. Great show!
• It has a lot of hormones all at once so it can cause a number of weird things to happen like make your next period out of whack, make your boobs sore, make you nauseous, or other small side effects.

Uteruses before duderuses, ovaries before brovaries, breasties before testes

Hormonal IUD

I had the Mirena IUD for most of college and a few years after. It’s a small t-shaped device that lives inside your uterus and delivers a slow release of hormones that both stop the sperm from getting to your eggs and also often stop your eggs from releasing.

I really enjoyed my time with Mirena and here’s why:

• Low maintenance. Besides the doctors office visit to get it in and the doctors office visit to get it out, I didn’t have to think about it at all!
• Effective. Mirena and other hormonal IUDs are 99% effective and there’s really no way to decrease that effectiveness like you can with the pill or Nuvaring if you forget.
• Long lasting! The Mirena lasts for up to 7 years and other hormonal IUDs range from 3 to 7 years.
• Many women don’t have their periods while they have a hormonal IUD. Or they may just get light spotting every once in a while. That was not my experience (see cons below) but from what I’ve noticed of my friends’ experiences, it is pretty common to completely forgo your period while using a hormonal IUD

Like any other method, there are some cons:

• If you don’t have insurance coverage for it, it can be expensive! Up to $1300 to get it installed. EDIT: Planned Parenthood can help you get the IUD if your insurance won’t cover it. Learn more here.
• It is a bit painful at the very beginning. This is by no means a reason to not get this birth control but getting the IUD put in is not the most fun day you’ll have.
• I mentioned above that many women stop getting their periods while on hormonal IUDs. If you’re like me and didn’t stop getting your periods, it can really change them to be unpredictable and honestly pretty gross. This is why I switched away from Mirena after a few years was because I couldn’t handle the unexpected and long periods.
• While it’s not hard to get removed, it does require a doctors visit so if you decide you want to start trying to have a baby or just want to stop the hormones, you have to make an appointment to get it removed.

Unfortunately, it’s not this kind of booty shot

The depo shot

This method involves a shot of hormones to your booty once every 3 months. The shot includes a pretty intense dose of hormones that will last you the 3 months until you need to get another one. Each shot has to be administered by a doctor (at least in my experience) so you have at least 4 visits to the doctors office a year.

Here’s what I liked about the depo shot:

• Low maintenance! Aside from the quick doctors visits every 3 months, I didn’t have to remember to take anything
• Nothing physically in or on your body. Unlike the IUD, implant, or patch, this hormone delivery just is injected directly to the body so you don’t have any foreign objects in or on you which I liked.
• Unlike the IUD, this method actually did stop my periods which was AHMAZING! This perk is part of the reason I kept with the depo shot for so long.

But there were some pretty serious downsides that made me eventually switch off of the shot:

• You gotta remember to make an appointment and go to the office every 3 months. If you’re late, the effectiveness goes down significantly and quickly and you can become pregnant. Spoiler alert: this is how Anastasia Steele got preggo.
• Here’s the ringer and apologies but this is going to be a long one... Obviously every body is different and this doesn’t happen to all the women who choose to use the depo shot. But for me, it caused pretty excessive weight gain. While other birth control methods have myths about weight gain (the pill, patch, and other hormonal methods of birth control are not actually linked to significant weight gain), the depo shot is the only method that is scientifically proven to cause significant weight gain for some users. Most women on the depo shot won’t experience significant weight gain but unfortunately I was part of the unlucky 25% of depo shot users that do. It took me a while to notice but over the first 6 months, with no noticeable changes to my diet or exercise regimen, I gained 11 pounds. As somebody who has seriously struggled with my weight before, I was mad my doctor didn’t warn me about the possibility. I am still, several months after my last depo shot, working on trying to shed the pounds I gained on this birth control method. According to my doctor, the hormones in that much excess can throw your body into pregnancy mode which not only causes your body to store fat but also causes undue cravings. I really struggled with this con of the depo shot and eventually had to move to a different method as I could not seem to stop this side effect.

So those are the birth control methods I’ve tried. There are many other ones besides these that have been known to be great and effective. Just for reference, other birth control methods that I know of and know people to have success with are:

• Female condom
• The Implant (side note: Several friends who have this say it’s great!)
• Copper IUD
• Birth control patch
• Tubal ligation (i.e. “Tubes tied”)
• Vasectomy
• Rhythm method

Spoiler alert: If you’re sexually active and don’t want to have a baby right now, birth control is for you.

There are a few others that seems somewhat dated and I would probably not recommend but are nonetheless included on the Planned Parenthood page for birth control linked here. There is also a company called Bedsider that has extensive materials and information on many different methods that you can check out here.

I’m not a doctor and most of the pros, cons, and information about the methods I talked about above are simply from my own experience and may vary or may have changed since I used those methods.

I hope this was helpful in some small way. Please feel free to leave notes on your own experiences in the comments or give a clap if you enjoyed it!