The Big 3: Compassion, Gratitude, and Kindness
I’m going off the deep end with this post. I don’t know where I’m heading, but here we go.
I’m obsessed with compassion, gratitude, and kindness. I believe these are the tools (notice I said “tools”) that will change you and change the world. I’m going to dig into each one of them just a bit and just enough to hopefully get you interested, intrigued, and curious.
Compassion
Compassion should start with you, as in, you should be compassion towards yourself. We often speak harder to ourselves than we would ever speak to anyone in the real world. Our tones, words, and sentences that we say in our minds can be cutting, sharp, and destructive. Stop. Stop being mean to yourself. Being mean to yourself is a waste of good energy, good talent, and good time.
Change takes time. Adjusting the way to speak to yourself takes time and it takes practice. Even noticing when you’re participating in destructive self talk takes time. Start by noticing when you make this shift. How often does this happen? When does this happen? Why does this happen? When you catch yourself saying something mean follow it up with a kind and warm comment to yourself. What do you like about yourself? What have you done well this week? Today? Why are you worthy of compassion?
We live in a culture that is built on criticism and negative self-talk. It seems to be one of our favorite pastimes. We seem to believe that cutting ourselves down is what we are supposed to do and I will tell you that we have it backwards. There will never be a winner for the criticism race. And if you won this hypothetical race, would you then be proud of yourself? How ironic. Don’t you think?
We should be proud of who we are and open to feedback. Compassion should spread from ourselves to others, because what truly is the benefit in trash-talking someone else? Do you really feel better about your place in the world by bring someone down? I sure hope you don’t. If a person’s company is affecting you to the point of negativity, then try to limit your time with that person. Instead we seem drawn to negative conversations. We seem to hover around and drift towards gossip and harsh words. I have learned through practice that a mindful walk outside or a quick body scan practice will provide me with so many more benefits than engaging in these negative conversations and interactions.
Another compassion practice is trying to understand where someone else is coming from (i.e. empathy). Cutting someone else down isn’t going to do anything but make you feel worse. I often and regularly discuss empathy with my students using the following example. Do you really think that someone who feels good would cut others down? Would someone that is confident, happy, and self assured insult and intentional hurt others? I have never had a student answer “yes.” They always pause and say “no.” My next point to them is that maybe people that hurt others are coming from a place of hurt themself. Maybe they are having a difficult time in this world and that is why they are being harsh to others.
I just cannot believe that someone that is at peace in the world would intentional harm others. This concept simply doesn’t make sense in head. These conversations with my students allows us to reflection, ponder, connect and view the world just a little bit different. And sometimes, a slight shift is all you need to make and huge change.
Gratitude
Oh my, where to start with gratitude! I’m grateful for gratitude. Gratitude has changed my life. There is so much in this life to be grateful for.
I used to give gifts, especially heartfelt, vulnerable cards to people and expect a response. I would get uncomfortable if someone didn’t tell me what they thought of my cards and of my words. I would worry, fret, and stress. I would worry that I had gone too far, said too much, and that the words didn’t “fall right.” I very recently realized that I had placed strings on my gifts and that isn’t right. To be a true act of gratitude, I had to let go of expectations, feedback, and validation. If someone offered me words of feedback, I would gladly accept them, but I no longer looked for them or asked for them. Ok, sometimes I still give in and ask, but I try to be mindful in my asking by understanding why I’m asking. I no longer expected feedback in return for my action.
A weight lifted when I adjusted my gratitude practice. I could give freely and with an open heart. I stopped worrying about the outcome. I focused my energy on giving thoughtful and heartfelt gifts. I have deeply enjoyed this shift in my gratitude practice and gift giving.
Gratitude is a practice I use when I’m feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling somewhere in the middle. It is a practice I try to implement regularly, especially through handwritten notes. I have noticed that the more I practice note giving, the more I’m aware of how many people I could give notes to. Many of them are people I had never considered thanking through a note. The nurse in my doctor’s office (I still need to write that note), coworkers, family members, friends, and students. The list of gratitude notes goes on and on.That’s one of the main points, right? We have to train ourselves to be grateful. We have to train ourselves to see opportunities for gratitude. We have train ourselves to practice the skills. We have to train ourselves to slow down and make the time. We have to pause and give thanks to someone else. We have to actually do the thing. And that is life changing.
Making the time, slowing, down, getting the pen to paper will change your current moment, if not your day. Practice gratitude, especially gratitude notes. You never know how your day will change and you never know how you will change someone else’s day.
Kindness
And last, but not least, kindness. Kindness pulls in compassion, gratitude, mindfulness, connection, and so many other concepts. Kindness can be as small as picking up a piece of trash on the ground or as large as providing support to a friend in need. It can be taking the time to cook a meal for someone else or being true to your word and following through on the commitment you made. Kindness includes you and the entire world around you. Kindness includes getting outside and beyond yourself and your world. Kindness includes having boundaries and taking care of yourself.
“Oh, now I’m kind.”
Small acts of kindness can build, spread, and change the world. I try the best I can to be kind in the world and to be the good in the world. I try to speak kind and supportive words. I try to help others as needed. I try my best, throughout my days, to be kind. Kindness is an ongoing, never ending practice. It isn’t something you do once and say “oh, now I’m kind” and are done. Kindness happens over and over and over again. The repetition of kindness is were the deep power lies.
The Why
Don’t do it for the praise. Don’t do it for the recognition. Don’t do it so you feel good. Do these things for others. Do these things because they are part of your values, ethics, and morals. Do these things for the big picture. Do these things for the interconnectedness. Do these things because you should. Practice “The Big 3" daily, every single day, multiple times a day.
These are just a few small, big concepts that drive my life in this present stage. These are the concepts I am teaching upcoming generations, my family, and those around me. I truly believe my practice of these concepts are what draws people towards me and towards my projects. There is an energy that is bigger than myself and people notice. It is powerful and life changing and something I want to keep practicing everyday.
As I tell my students, the world is hard enough, so why not be the good in the world.
Happy practicing!
