The Other Woman
This small passage of my book is a partial autobiography of an emotional rollercoaster of deceit, betrayal and lost love. It is an intense journey that I have taken in my life and have now realized that I must share this with others to prove to others’, your not alone.
Thank you all, for taking this walk with me. If this small passage, helps you in any way, then we have all succeeded!
Have you ever had a broken heart? Felt alone? Sadden by a loss of a relationship? Have you ever felt pain in your stomach , that when you woke, you hoped it was all a dream?
Well, I am here to prove to you– you are not alone. You can recover!!
Moving on from relationships’ in it self is hard enough, but being in love with someone for years’ that you thought is your soulmate, is the most difficult part in finding yourself through it all. Being lost in so much pain and hurt, felt like a never-ending process. Asking my higher power to guide me through all the pain, depression and hopelessness is what pulled me out of a dangerous stage of my life. A deep pain inside, I felt I would never recover.
In essence, in all honesty, I didn’t want to continue to live, but I have a family and grandchildren that mean the world to me. That one, detrimental selfish thought was erased from my mind immediately!
No one is worth losing your life over. NO ONE!
My story is like any other, a intense love, I never felt before. Maybe it was a part of growing up in thinking that I knew what love really was about, but in actuality really didn’t know anything of such pain.
As you will continually read these pages, and I hope you will… I will give you insights of life, love, in my relationship ups & downs. The empowerment that is here.
Some years ago..
I walked into a small club in the California hills. Much needed jazz and to relax to Marion Meadows playing in the background. I had a glass of Cognac and a feeling of peace. In the far corner of a room, walked in a business man, all suited up and with a look of business & such seriousness on his face.
He was tall, dark and very handsome. At first glance, he took my breathe away. I exhaled. I thanked God for this beautiful human being that I saw as “flawless”.
At that time, in my life, risk was just a word. I was willing to take that chance. Any chance. After my divorce, I trusted no one. My heart was in a healing mode that took years to recover, release and forgive.
Another chance of love and marriage, or so I hoped. What I was looking for was a relationship. Not to become some-ones’, “booty call” in the night.
We became the very best of friends, then dated for a few months, then years. Years have passed and my love for him became stronger than ever. Our love and communication was every day, every single moment. We exchanged rings of our undying love, even wrote our names on a tree near by. I felt like a love like no there. Our days and nights were inseparable. “How fortunate was I”, I thought to myself.
Then it happened!
One hot summer California day…I received a call– A wake up call, I should say.
The person I cared for so much had another under his wing. Someone who had been in his world all the long. Why didn’t I see it? Why didn’t I see all the warning signs? They definitely were around; the absent times with him, the many Christmas & Thanksgiving holidays we never spent together or the different cars, he always drove. I did ask him, but he always mentioned he was with “family” and it was a “rental”.
It came a point in my life I realized I was waiting in vain. I was waiting for someone who really didn’t care for me. I was waiting for someone that didn’t love me, for me.
These many questions became redundant.
Why did I allow myself to be treated like a piece of ass or fling? Why, why? Why do we do that to ourselves?
Because every word, every sentence, I believed. My intuition always gave me clues. But, I didn’t care to listen. Every intimate time we were together, I assumed I was the only one. I felt loved and cared for, but was it real? I constantly asked myself. But, then at times, he went totally missing.
No phone calls, no texts, no checking to make sure I had a great day or not.
was from HER. First came her questions, who are you? How do you know “Shane”. (Name changed for privacy). I stood in total disbelief. Numb. Time actually stood still. The hot California summer days, always brought birds to my window sill for water and food. I sat and watched the birds on the window-sill preparing to fly way, after eating. God how I wish to go with them. I wanted to escape this nightmare, this phone call. Hoping it was all a dream. It wasn’t.
She talked- I listened. She spoke about the two of them . She spoke as if he was a piece of property, HERS.
I mentioned, I knew nothing of her. I never knew she existed. I interjected every once in a while, until I got brave enough to mention our relationship was a long one. “Over years”, I said. She gasped and went silent.
In the back of my mind I was saying to myself, “what a damn fool! How could I be so blind to this user, this liar, this man I loved so much?
She spoke of their life together- my heart sank at every word. I felt my knees buckle. I silently cried. The feeling that I had at that moment was numb. Total silence.
Then it hit me! Was, I the other woman??
The deception, the emotional roller coaster being in love with this man was so emotionally draining. This pain did not subside. It lasted for years, but there is a rainbow over the horizon, trust me.
I finally had to realize that this relationship was not for me. We, as women & men as well, give our ALL to our relationships. We never ask questions. Why do you think that is?
Have you ever asked that question? It came a point in my life I realized I was waiting in vain. We as a society; as loving women, as loving men, wait for some one to love us. In essence, as time progresses we begin to see what type of relationship we are in.
Only time will tell the chronicles of the deception of the hurt and pain in the betrayals of love that we have all endured. Yes, its difficult in being alone at times, but being in love, alone, is worse.
Why do we allow our hearts to be used and played with on a continuous basis?
Would you be so kind to allow me to answer??
Because we want love– we want to feel love — we want to know what love is all about. It doesn’t matter how bad, or how miserable we have felt in toxic relationships. We realize we do not want to lose our, ” fantasy of what love may be.”
We choose to stay in this fantasy world and play the “what-ifs”, you know the game. Hoping one day they’ll come around or hoping maybe tonight he’ll ask me to stay the night. Maybe he’ll call me tonight.. Or….Maybe one day he’ll purpose?!
We need to wake up and realize it may or may not happen. We have to come to that realization of knowing ourselves. Loving ourselves.
Our true selves. We have to ask the questions, why do we seek approval? Why do we decide to hang onto the “what-ifs”?
Well, Ladies and Gents, it’s time to wake up!
Do you want to become the, “Victim or the Victorian?.”
of people write in their journals of the person they love or hope that person will someday notice them. Isn’t it sad, that we are seeking approval from someone else? Shouldn’t we first seek to love ourselves first, then find that special someone?
Recognize and Learn–Definitions;
In the Merriam-Webster dictionary; “Toxicity”,
means toxics, poison containing or being poisonous.–( In other words leave their ass alone!)
In the Urban dictionary; “Soulmate”,
soulmate with whom you have immediate connection the moment you meet a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in every way possible that you’ve ever experienced before. Over time the love is so deep, so complex that you begin to doubt, that you’ve loved anyone prior.
Love is the greatest gift God has ever given man love is not wanting to anywhere without the of the person. Love is what every one is hoping to find and search for.
As per Shakespeare, once stated, “To define true love, would be to ruin its purity, therefore has no definition”.
This is the most derogatory thing anyone can do to a person. This is basically someone, using a male or female for their own pleasure without any type of connection of love trust or caring for another. Yes, we have all had that booty call- phone call. But, with in that realm of Ego, please understand you are just a piece of meat .
I know it’s very difficult to do and it’s very difficult to find, but we must we must wake up from this fantasy and be happy of who we are. I have awaken the woman inside and realized that the wounds of your past will not define your future.
The trajectory of your life will change once you learn to love yourself.
Then, and only then will the love of your life come in your life. Listen to your intuition. It’s your guide to what is really happening.
Share your story with me. I am here to listen.