Do you tell your white friends that they are racist?

Caveat. As a white woman who grew up in suburbia america, I also have my own biases I must tackle. I am not perfect. We are not perfect. I too, have held racist, unconcious thoughts that creepily ooze out into consciousness. We all have! That’s not because I am a terrible, bigoted human filled with recidivism. We are all the by-products of history, family values, culture, and the media developed by a predominately white world. Much of our racist assumptions are not present within our conscious thoughts. But, I can continuosly search for these assumptions and reflect on why they exist. I can be kind to myself— and tackle these ingrained beliefs and immerse myself in a dialoge.

ALSO ALL HATEFUL, DISCRIMINATORY RESPONSES WILL BE DELETED. If you want to have a real conversation, text me, email me, let’s talk! You can call me out on my biases!

I bet many of my friends probably scrolled past this post on their newsfeed, after seeing the title to my blog. Racist —it’s a strong identity to give any white person, but I am done sugarcoating. This week, besides tears and my own shame in knowing I have contributed to the inequity in the justice system: many of my friends are indeed racists. They are still caring, loving, give back to the community, and people I genuinely want to share a cold beverage with in my free time. Yet, they are still racist. They quickly change subjects to fantasy football or a funny meme to bypass focusing on the recent shootings of #PhilandoCastile and #AltonSterling. They talk about the police force who also unjustly died (yes that is NOT right and a terrible event to happen to anyone who serves our country); but they were not as emotionally charged after the shootings of black victims in Minnesota and Baton Rouge. They state they have one to two black friends (four max) which justifies that they are not racists. These friends bring up statistics about the number of white cops killed in comparison to noble black men. They also neglect to consider that the statistics they pulled from Google may not take into account the weighted, majority number of whites (77%) versus blacks (13.1)in the US, (US Census Bureau, 2015). #math.

Should I tell my white friends they are racists?

Yes, and no. I know that if I do —they will get angry and further justify they believe everyone is created equal. They won’t take any new information in, and I wouldn’t blame them. In turn, they will continue to lack awareness of their racist thoughts and assumptions. Targeting my friends with name-calling, arguments, conflict, and adverse emotions is not conducive to the change I want to see in the world. But I want to be clear, I will no longer stay silent when I hear a friend make a seemingly funny joke at the expense of any black, latino, LGBTQ, gender fluid individual. However, I will also listen to your opinions, because I hope you to listen to mine. I will not raise my voice, I will use my belly breathing, I will try to not let my emotions hijack the conversation. I will ask open ended questions, use reflective listening so that you know I am actually taking in our conversation, and responding empathetically. I will respect our dialogue. I might even buy you a beer for engaging with me (Positive Reinforcement anyone?). I will also challenge you, particularly on how your whiteness protects and sustains you, and I will ask you to attempt to undertand a new perspective. I will be a friend. And good friends tell you the truth. #blacklivesmatter

References:

US Census Bureau. (2015). United States Quick Facts. Retrieved from: (https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/table/PST045215/00)
Me, my thoughts, and feelings