5 Ways to Find Friends Who Match Your Energy and Inspire Your Growth

Building connections that truly align with who you are isn’t easy, especially as an adult. Life gets busy, and priorities shift, but if you’re reading this, you probably feel that missing piece: real friendships that add value and joy to your life.

The kind of friends who lift you up, who push you forward, and who make life’s challenges feel a little lighter.

Here are five practical ways to find and nurture those friendships:

1. Get Clear on Who You Want in Your Life

Most people skip this step. We’re so eager to meet people that we don’t pause to consider who we really want by our side. Or we might stay in close friendships with people out of history or convenience that no longer align with who we are, or are becoming, and it can feel out of alignment or less fulfilling. Being intentional matters and will help you better filter where to challenge your time and energy on who you want to get closer to.

Define your ideal friend:

• Someone who shares your interests and passions?
• Someone who challenges you intellectually?
• Someone who’s positive, encouraging and non-judgmental?
• Someone who’s inspiring?

Write down what qualities you value in a friend. Clarity breeds attraction.

2. Get Out of Your Usual Routine

Familiar places bring familiar faces. And while that’s comforting, it might not bring the newness you crave.

Try this:

• Attend events around your interests: think book clubs, authentic relating classes or entrepreneurial meet-ups.
• Explore online communities on platforms like Meetup, LinkedIn, or local Facebook groups.

New environments bring new people — ones who might be looking for the exact kind of connection you’re seeking.

3. Be Open and Approachable

The vibe you put out there matters. Energy plays a crucial role in what initially draws us to others. It’s not just what someone says or does, but the vibe they radiate that creates an immediate impression. People are drawn to others who are open, friendly, and approachable.

Action steps:

• Smile, make eye contact, and practice deep listening.
• Lead with curiosity. Ask great questions and genuinely listen to people’s answers.
• Before entering a room, take three deep breaths to center yourself and shift your mindset from any apprehension to excitement about meeting new people. This helps you create positive energy, which sets the tone and leaves a lasting first impression — so bring a high vibe!

You’ll find that being approachable opens doors. You’ll go from casual small talk to meaningful conversations in no time.

4. Look for Depth Early On

We’ve all been in friendships that stay on the surface, talking about weather and work. If you want depth, steer conversations there early on.

Here’s how:

• Ask thoughtful questions: “What’s something you’re really passionate about?” or “What’s a dream you’re working towards?”
• Share your own goals and experiences openly.
• Opening up encourages others to do the same, and it quickly reveals who’s interested in a meaningful connection.

Empowering deeper conversations will help you get to know someone faster and see if you have common values and interests. It creates more emotional connection. Be brave and ask the more powerful questions. Your new friend will thank you for it.

If you are unsure how to empower these types of conversations, take the time to learn this life-changing skill. The quality of all of your conversations will immediately improve.

5. Keep Showing Up

Building quality friendships doesn’t happen overnight. It takes effort and consistency.

Consistency counts:

• Schedule regular check-ins. A quick coffee date, a monthly dinner, or a weekly call. Ritualizing how you connect goes a long way.
• Leverage asynchronous communication. Send a voicememo or video message vs. text to add more color to shares to connect more meaningfully in the in between times. You’ll be amazed at how much you can learn about and get closer to someone this way.
• Don’t wait for others to reach out. Take the initiative. Putting in the time shows you’re invested, and it helps nurture those friendships over the long haul.

Finding people who align with your values and match your energy doesn’t happen by accident. It takes intentionality, openness, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone.

But the reward? Friendships that bring joy, support, and a sense of belonging.

And that’s worth every bit of effort.

Ready to experience more friendships like this?

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