A letter from the food/drink service industry or ‘How not to be an asshole customer’.

Dear customers of the world,

When you enter an establishment to chow down on some tasty treats or glug back a few coffees, please consider those who are serving you. Imagine that our cafe or restaturant or whatever the establishment is, is kind of like our second home. If we were to enter your home, we would show you respect. We would flush the toilet (and wipe the seat!), help with the dishes, pick up our litter and be friendly and polite.

Unfortunatley, this is often not the case with you customers of the world. So here is a small guideline how to keep those serving you happy and therefore the entire environment happy and you happy and everything damn happy.

  1. Greet us. When you place your order, a greeting is usually expected. A small ‘hello’ or ‘how’s it going?’. We always greet you, greet us too.
  2. Manners. Were you ever taught them? Those magic words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ should be a reflex when someone has done something for you, but alas, just the order barked at us is sometimes what we only recieve. “AMERICANO. BLACK. NAME.” *pays silently and walks away*. See you later, asshole!
  3. Attention! Do not be on your phone the entire time you are being served by somebody. Yapping away and doing that silent mouthing thing to us, sometimes even looking offended when we ask you a question about what you want, as if we’re interrupting you. It is rude. Tell the recipricant of your dull-ass conversation to “hold for a moment” and order properly and we will have respect for you. If you don’t, yes, we are silently flipping you off from beneath the counter.
  4. Think fast. Please, if we look busy with queues out of the door, please take a moment in said queue to think about what you want. Don’t come up to the counter and be all “Hm…oh I don’t know what I feel like ha ha ha ha”. Whilst a crowd of hungry, thirsty customers and tapping their feet behind you and rolling their eyes.
  5. Messy children. So you’ve decided to bring your little spawn to our place today, that’s cool they are pretty cute. Oh wait, your little tyke is smushing their Rusks all over the table and ripping up napkins? Oh they have now spilt their yogurt on the surface and are wiping it into the booster chair? CLEAN IT UP. It is our job to gather plates, cutlery, wipe down tables and dispose of the occasional napkin and/or wrapper. It is not our job to be picking up chewed food mush. You see all these other customers who have managed to gather up all of their outside waste that they entered with and politley dispose of it in our bins (that we have put there for you)? You see them asking for a bar towel to wipe down the spilt drink that is now dripping down onto the floor and creating a potential slip hazard? Don’t just leave the table exploded with litter and food. Have some respect.
  6. We are people too. Please don’t ignore us, engage. We are working to pay our way through life, not because we love to be at work. It makes our days that little bit nicer if you take some interest, even a smile will suffice. If we’re clearing the table around you, smile and thank us, that’s all we need. Don’t just carry on with your conversation and refuse to even glance in our direction.
  7. Waste. You do not need 15 napkins per person. Think of the environment and take just a couple.
  8. Don’t stand outside before we have opened the doors for the day. This is our time to set up, set ready and mentally prepare for a day at work. We do not appreciate you standing there for 15 mins looking in and waiting making us feel uncomfortable or guilty for not letting you in. Same goes for the end of the day… don’t come in 5 mins before close and order stuff, especially if it requires equipment that we most likely have cleaned by now, we wanna get out on time like everyone else, you are delaying that.

Love from,

Those people who have the power to spit (or do worst to) in your drinks and food.