11/01/17: So J is a nightmare. He is hardly ever home, out getting fucked up, stealing from Sainsburys or seeing his girlfriend. That’s fine, but it’s when he comes home that is the trouble. He has no sense of consideration for others and slams around the house banging every door and running up the stairs. Other times he might decide to play music loud at night and hey, I don’t want to be stickler here but it’s pretty annoying to live with. Oh and then there’s the energy consumption. Can we talk about climate change here? He seems to have infinite laundry that needs to be seperated into small loads and all tumble dried. However he has used clothes horse from time to time, but he thinks it is appropriate to use our study as a laundry room, put it in there and jack up the radiator without asking. Nice one bruv. Oh oh that’s not all for the energy bills, he keeps the hallway light on, all the time. This makes my room light when it’s dark, which is irritating so I turn it off, but in his infinite noisy trips to the bathroom it is turned on again and left on. Speaking of his bathroom trips, because he fucks himself up so much, I hear him booming puke from his alcohol lined stomach, wretching like a cat bringing up a fur ball almost every or every other day. It kept me up very early this morning, which was very fun.
But really, I should not be a bitch and complain about this, but he does have some strange behaviours. However, he does have mental health issues and has been an alcoholic in the past and seems to think getting fucked up will solve his problems. Of course it doesn’t, but he seems to be getting worst again. The problem is, I hardly see him and so I am not that close. Is it my place to show concern and ask about his wellbeing? Will I be shunned or thanked? I don’t want to put my nose where it doesn’t belong but I do worry. I think it’s just in nature to worry about others, I like to help.
It’s got to the point he just angers me now. I don’t want to live with him anymore. I want to yell at his waste of space ass. But I can’t so here is a letter to him.
LOOK. I know you are pretty depressed. I know you think alcohol and drugs are the answer. But buddy, they are NOT. Alcohol is a depressant, reduces dopamine levels which causes depression. Weed makes you lethargic, a result of which you are less active and eat more shit. Activity and good eating also releases dopamine, counteracting depression. Late nights and lack of sleep, guess what, also causes dopamine levels to fall. Combine the three and you have a depression nightmare. YOUR SUBSTANCE ABUSE IS MAKING IT WORST. CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS?
You are smart. You must know what you are doing to yourself. I understand when you feel like shit, you act like shit and you do shit you shouldn’t. But it is affecting us. Your constant noise and disturbance in the house has caused many a rude awakening from my slumber. Your mess and bad habits irritate the hell out of all of us. Please be more considerate of others. Your lack of communication means we don’t get to know you and so we can’t help you. The lack of communication also used to cause worry, if we didn’t see you for a couple days, I used to be concerned but now I accept it as the reckless norm. The lack of communication also means you have often let Tom down with band things, and that’s not cool, he’s stressed enough as is.
The thing that confuses me the most about this apparent bizzare behaviour…
What do you do in the bathroom for so long sometimes? Crash, bang, tap running, shower on for 2 minutes, flush, band, crack, spray spray spray (OMG THE SPRAY, PLEASE STOP INFUSING THE ENTIRE UPSTAIRS WITH AN OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF DEO CHEMICALS. IT’S GROSS.)
Why is Georgie not helping? If she is, she isn’t doing very well. If Tom was drinking and smoking himself half to death and throwing up every night, I would be really fucking worried. I would take steps to help him and hold his hand every step of the way to good health. I would not just accept that this behaviour is fine and let it continue. Is she blind to it? Are your lies and sneaking about actually making her unaware? Has she even spoke to you about it? Has she showed concern? Tried to help? It certainly doesn’t seem that way. However, she too drinks and smokes all the time so they influence eachother. I know it would annoy the fuck out of me if half the time I saw my boyfriend he was fucked up and disengaged (or pretending not to be through glazed eyes). Or pretending he is “sick” instead of just really fucking hungover. Or getting up numorous times a night to puke and make noise.
You’re not hiding anything. We know about hiding away all those tinnies in your room and the empty ones in the front bin (dude, recycle!!). We know you’re not “ill” half the time you look like shit. I KNOW YOU STOLE AND DRANK MY FUCKING RASPBERRY LEMONADE AND THEN BOUGHT ANOTHER THE NEXT DAY TO DRINK FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU LIKED IT SO MUCH. YOU STEALING CUNT. THAT SHIT WAS GOOD.
Sorry. I know some shit is petty. But when living with it every day it’s chip chipping away, grinding away like my jaw from clenching in frustration. I don’t want to be a moaner. I don’t want to complain and yell at you every time I see you but it needs to be done more and more. I don’t though. I don’t want the awkwardness and I don’t deal with confrontation well. Also you tend to make up shit, we do recognise the lies, man. Besides, since you haven’t taken any time to get to know me properly (which you said you were excited to do with us when we first moved in, what happened there eh? Did we suddenly become threatening to hang with?) you would know that I like to help and when I see poor souls like you wasting away, I want to help. But you have to let us help. Reach out. We are here. Although you drive me crazy, I do care.
You have to take action. You are literally killing yourself. If it wasn’t for the band and your relationship with Tom, I would have told you by now “Get help, or get out.” I cannot live with the stress, nor can Ben, nor can Tom. It kills me to see someone as talented and as smart as you wasting your life away. I never like to have regrets, but I regret living with you. I knew you were troubled before, but you were in a toxic household and we thought with us, you’d be calmer, more supported and get better. But you avoid us like a plague, which in turn makes me feel awkward and so I avoid you.
I don’t hate you. I just hate the way you act and boy, you really need to clean up that act before you push everyone away and kill yourself.
I cannot wait to not be living with him.
I cannot wait to not be living with him.
I cannot wait to not be living with him.
Sorry, but UGH. He drives me mad. Another annoying oddity to add to the list — his copious amounts of takeaway buying.
OK. So. He has limited funds, therefore his grandparents pay his rent for him (wow) and he still gets student loan — but not enough apparently. He steals things (alcohol mostly) because of his lack of money and is ALWAYS late with bills that he then hands it to me in cash because he WON’T GO TO THE FUCKING BACK AND SORT OUT HIS CARD AND ONLINE BANKING THAT HAS BEEN AN ISSUE FOR MONTHS. However, he can fund getting Dominoes like twice a week or three times…or a mixture of Dominoes and other takeaways. “I can’t pay bills just yet…Oh but here I am chomping on my midday Dominoes.” He SAYS he wants to get a job and he was “job hunting” about a month ago but really I haven’t seen him leave this house except to pick up weed or get booze or get tesco finest products that he can’t afford.
What does he do all day? Hm…nothing. He isn’t doing Uni anymore, he doesn’t go out when it’s sunny, he doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t have a hobby outside the house. He sits. Drinks. Smokes. Throws up. Fucks his girlfriend (who cleans his mess for him and tidies the house *whip sound*). Watches shit far too loud because he’s deaf apparently and makes mess that he doesn’t clean for days on end (despite the fact he has NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY).
GET A LIFE YOU LAZY FUCKING DICKHEAD.