Behind the Scenes of Me

Unprotected and Neglected

As I further my education and learn more and more, I realize I know less and less. Granted, I learn more about culture, politics, business, and other “important” elements in life, but I am still clueless about myself.

I was told I was a unicorn, because I’m one of a kind. I’ll agree that I’m a unicorn, but because no one believes in me. Perhaps that claim is seeking pity, but what’s so wrong with pity anyway? In fact, if you don’t ever feel pity, doesn’t that make you heartless? Just a thought.

I suppose I am just like every other human being. Technically speaking, I have a mother and a father, two bothers, and a sister. But if I were to go into more depth, I really only have the dog that I’m watching right now.

We ran away from my dad 9 years ago and haven’t seen him since. He was abusive and hated me the most; I’ll never understand how a man could hold so much hatred to a little girl, but he did and I forgive him. We can’t find him. I think he’s hiding so he won’t have to pay child support. I don’t want a penny from him-just a couple questions answered and some kind of a relationship. My mom hates that I want to find him since he’s hurt me so badly. I suppose he did leave scars, but that’s nothing compared to what my mom has done.

My mom decided once we left my dad that she wanted to be a kid, because she “ didn’t ever have the chance.” It’s not my fault she got her eggo preggo in high school though, but those consequences sure as hell were taken out on me. When my mom wasn’t at the clubs, she was with another man. I never saw her and I’m not even sure if she had a job. Don’t ask how we paid rent.

Rent. Ha yeah. My dad was insanely jealous and wouldn’t let my mom get a job in risk of another man checking her out. As a result, my mom has no work experience and had to pay for 5 or 6 lives. As a result of that, she could only rent.

So, in the course of 5 years, my mom dated over 50 guys, we moved at least 17 times, and I had 0 friends. Why make friends if I’m only going to stay somewhere for a couple weeks?

There was a time with her ex-convicts and drug addicts, and foster care was fun too, as well as living in $30 motels that we couldn’t afford or the roach infested apartments. Oh, and dealing with my cheating grandma and drug-dealing grandpa was interesting, and trying to raise my brothers.

Besides that, I guess my life was pretty normal. Now I go to college-fully paid for, actually. It turns out if you’re poor and have a crappy life, you can get your college paid for. I’m majoring in marketing and trying to find myself, and that’s pretty much it.