Everything you said plus one extra kernel of advice that has saved me over and over again in navigating the undertoad: You have spider senses; know them and use them. Now, if you can’t find yours I don’t know what to say except that I noticed a long time ago that some of my beatings started to look familiar after the umteenth repeat. Like being hit over the head with a two-by-four, at some point you should start to recognize the same two-by-four. It’s just a different kind of pattern recognition. One example, after the fifth consecutive disastrous relationship, I realized that the objects of my desire had all had the same psychiatrist. That wasn’t quite enough, though, I also had the opportunity to meet that same psychiatrist with the psychiatrist’s significant other at a party. It was instantly obvious I was looking at one of the most toxic relationships I had ever seen. I finally recognized one of my recurring two-by-fours. Antivirus software has something called malware recognition, you know.