How to lose your confidence in 30 days.

Its 4 am in the morning and I am awake, not slept a wink. I minute ago I was still scrounging through online job portals and sending my cv to every place on the earth. Can I do more? Should I maybe hand out my cv to random strangers on the curb?

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn't fired from my last job, it just sucked the creative light out of me. I remember telling myself a few years ago that I would never work for a place which doesn't inspire me to wake up each day. Now that just seems wishful thinking, at this point I’ll probably take whatever I get and hate myself forever.

As my hairdryer sits in its place, staring at me. I haven’t done my hair in a while now. I don’t like waking up. Everytime I draft another mail to a potential employer, a little bit of me dies each time thinking I wouldn’t get a reply. Sometimes when I do get a reply, I am asked to report to an office for an interview, sometimes I submit a project too and then, after a week of not getting a reply, I am told they needed someone with more experience.

I am scared of telling this to anyone close to me, I hope nobody ever finds my medium and this post never sees the light of the day. Its strange how your own people sometimes cant see you wither.

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