#RiverdaleRecap S1 E4: The Last Picture Show
Alice Cooper needs to calm the hell down and I have SO many questions about the Jones fam.
We open with Jughead’s angsty narration lamenting the imminent closing of the Twilight Drive-In, killing all my dreams for slightly outdated vampire references in the process. “My home away from home,” he calls it.
More exciting to me is the introduction of Betty’s diary.
We join Betty as she writes about the shocker reveal from episode 3: Grundy was at Sweetwater River on July 4. Our fave blonde is beginning to wonder if Archie and Grundy were there together, but I’m still freaking out about the diary itself.
Betty’s diary is a recurring story device that has been used to tell Betty-centric stories in the comics for decades. Betty becomes our narrator for the tale, her diary entry unfolding before us in her own voice, and it’s worth noting that as this type of story is typically only used for Betty, it is Betty who we know best out of all the characters of Riverdale. No other character, not even Archie, has this consistent showcase of internal voice.
As Betty speculates, we cut to Archie and his dad watching Grundy play in an outdoor string quartet. Every single thing Luke Perry says in this scene makes me think the show is setting up a love triangle between the Andrews men and the mysterious music teacher and I almost stop watching because I can’t deal with that level of no. Luke Perry invites Grundy to dinner with him and Archie and I DO NOT WANT THIS.
At Pop’s, Jughead continues to rage about the drive-in to B&V and Kevin, and I’m kind of obsessed with the sudden natural addition of Juggie to the squad. More of this, please. Mid-rant we learn that Jughead works at the drive-in, which is surprising to me because his whole deal in the comics is burgers + laziness. It’s like, his defining characteristic. Very occasionally he’ll hold a part-time or summer job, but more often he’s strolling up to bug Archie while Archie is working.
Jughead drops that the drive-in was purchased by an “anonymous buyer.” Let the speculation begin! A guess: Hiram Lodge is buying the land to build a mansion and basically not leave Hermione and Ron alone (Side note: HOW DID I MISS THAT HIDDEN HARRY POTTER REFERENCE even though these characters have existed pre-Philosopher’s Stone omg I need a minute).
A few tables away, Cheryl bemoans the falling stock of the River Vixens due to the fact that Hermione Lodge is waitressing at Pop’s, and how dare a parent of a River Vixen have a service job? But let’s talk about this brooch she keeps wearing:
The last time I saw spider jewelry was on Narcissa Malfoy, and I’m kind of loving how lowkey goth this ensemble is. Can’t wait to see what the wardrobe department does with a teen witch once Sabrina is introduced!
Hermione comes over to get the check from Cheryl’s table, and Cheryl is so rude to her that Veronica leaps up to defend her. Before she can, Hermione cooly tells Cheryl she was at school with her mom, and “she didn’t know the difference between having money and having class either.”
- OOOOOH, BURN.
- In the comics, the Blossoms have their wealth from Mr. Blossom’s tech company, and I’m unsure if here they’re implying that Mrs. Blossom was super rich before marriage or just a snob forever.
- Did ALL the parents go to high school together?! Talk about a small town.
In walk the Andrews men and Grundy, and Betty immediately beelines for their table to talk to Archie. Outside, she confronts him about July 4th, and he lets slip that Jughead also knows Grundy was there. Inside, Veronica desperately wants to know what’s being said, and dismisses Jughead’s dismissal by walking outside to find out. Kevin wins Line of the Episode by asking “What was it like before she got here? I honestly can not remember.”
Veronica shows up just in time to hear Archie confess to being romantically involved with Grundy.
Veronica asks Archie if Grundy is his “booty tutor” and omfg this SHOW.
Archie is desperate for some kind of non-disappointment from Betty, but Alice Cooper roars up in her car to demand Betty leave with her, stat.
Alice is still Not Happy that Betty is friends with Archie and Veronica, and like, I don’t understand her concerns at all, and I feel like I’m missing a crucial piece of her motivations in this intense stalker parenting she’s doing.
Across the lot, Cheryl and her girls spot Hermione talking to a Southside Serpent behind a dumpster, and we’re lead to believe this gang is bad newz. (It’s been awhile since I’ve read any Little Archie, so I totally forgot the gang is canon in the comics! Check out Screenrant’s comparison for more.)
At school the next day, Archie stresses that maybe Betty will write about him and Grundy in the paper, and Jughead has to give him a reality check in the form of reminding him that Betty adores him and would never do anything to hurt him.
I can’t believe they’re talking about Archie’s relationship with Grundy in a crowded school hallway full of cellphones that can record audio, but no one ever said these boys were the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree.
In the music room, Betty is “interviewing” Grundy for an article in the paper, and it’s fairly comical how intense and transparent her motivations are. Betty asks if independent studies are things Grundy has done in the past, and we find out that yes, last year two students had similar arrangements: Tomoko Yoshida and Jason Blossom.
Let’s ignore Jason for a second. Tomoko Yoshida is in the comics! She is a Japanese exchange student and a friend of Betty’s, who also aspires to be a writer and works on the school paper. Here’s hoping for an addition to the #ReporterSquad in Riverdale.
Betty pauses to follow the Jason track of questioning and extremely creepily asks Grundy if she thought he was cute, and Betty, you’re gonna need to be slicker than that if you want to catch someone in a lie.
In the student lounge, Cheryl shows Veronica the photo she took of Hermione and the gang member, but let’s focus on what’s real here: Cheryl mispronounces “Hermès” mid-insult and I REFUSE to believe Cheryl Blossom has not memorized The Princess Diaries.
Regardless of Cheryl’s Disney pop culture knowledge, if you’re shopping there, you know how to say it. I hate everything about this moment.
That night at the Pembrooke, Veronica confronts her mother about the photo Cheryl took. Hermione is quick to assure Ronnie that everything’s fine, which, ok, sure. Suuuuuuuure.
At the mayor’s office, Jughead begs Mayor McCoy to reconsider and during his nostalgic plea name drops his little sister, Jellybean. JUGHEAD. WHERE IS SHE? YOU’RE INSEPARABLE. (For that matter, WHERE IS HOT DOG?)
Jellybean was introduced in Jughead #50 as Jughead’s new baby sister, and honestly their relationship is one of my favorite parts of the Archie stories in recent decades. Jughead loves Jellybean unconditionally, and as he is often left to babysit her, they get into all kinds of hijinks together. Jellybean has serious attitude and all the best faces, and I need to know where the heck she is on this show. Also, seriously, where is Hot Dog? Jughead’s dog is practically the sixth member of The Archies and we haven’t seen him yet! I know animal actors are difficult to manage, but COME ON.
At Pop’s, B&V talk to Archie about Grundy and how she’s totally not who she says she is. Betty knows how to Google someone, see, though Archie’s not listening and both Betty and I are shocked/disappointed by his cavalier attitude.
That night, Archie and Grundy are cuddled on the couch at their drive-in movie substitute and Archie asks for more details about her life. This is all MUCH less exciting than what’s happening outside:
Betty knows how to break into cars (!!!) and I know she says it’s her dad who taught her, but I’m secretly hoping it was really her older brother Chic (from the comics) who’s a spy. This is also a nice nod to the fact that in the comics, Betty routinely fixes cars, specifically, Archie’s perpetually disintegrating jalopy.
Adding to my “Chic is going to be introduced at some point” theory is Betty picking the lock on a safe box the girls find in the backseat of the car, regardless of her Nancy Drew explanation.
Inside the box is the “Jennifer Gibson” driver’s license we saw in the preview for this episode, and something else, too:
To my knowledge, there is no Jennifer Gibson in the comics (unless she’s one of the 50 new kids added to Riverdale in that one storyline in 2012).
Later that evening, the girls confront Archie about their new intel and he’s finally shook.
The next day, Jughead visits Luke Perry at his office to try to find out who bought the land for the Twilight Drive-In, since the Andrews company got the construction contract. It’s revealed here that Jughead’s dad used to work for Fred Andrews (!!!) but was fired because he was caught stealing supplies (!!!!!) and this is totally not in line with my perception of Mr. Jones. (In the comics, he’s a pretty minor character, and the thing I most remember about him is he wears lots of sweaters and looks like Jughead.)
Suddenly we’re in the mayor’s office. Hermione Lodge enters carrying that big bag of cash that arrived at the Pembrooke what is going on?!
Turns out, the mayor did a deal with the Lodges to sell the land, and apparently the Blossoms can’t know McCoy was involved. I have SO many questions, but mainly: Why can’t the Blossoms know? What end of the bargain must Mayor McCoy hold up now? How is Mayor McCoy supposed to use that amount of cash without raising eyebrows? I NEED TO KNOW.
At Grundy’s place, Archie asks, “Is your real name Jennifer Gibson?”
JenniGrundy tells Archie she was married to an abusive drunk, and post-divorce, she’d taken a new identity and a gun for protection and hit the road.
At the Keller house, Kevin walks into his dad’s home office to ask if he can borrow the truck for the drive-in that night.
Sheriff Keller proceeds to be the cutest dad by saying “Isn’t there a nice, gay kid at your school?” when Kevin says he’s going with Ronnie, and Kevin proceeds to be the cutest guy by replying “Yes, there is. Me.” BABY IT’S OK.
Meanwhile, at the Andrews residence, Alice and Hal Cooper show up at the front door to tell Luke Perry they don’t want Betty to hang with Archie anymore.
Luke Perry magnificently calls out Alice for spying on his house when she snarks that she sees Archie sneaking out all the time, and I have to hand it to Mr. Andrews for sticking up for his son, even when he’s probably wondering what’s up now. Meanwhile, Archie and Betty are walking through a park and Betty asks Archie if he really knows what he’s doing with Grundy.
At the Pembrooke, Hermione becomes still more cryptic as she tells Smithers that Fred Andrews is taking her to the drive-in so no one will suspect her of anything. I’m curious, but also annoyed at how OTT the mystery is.
Alice Cooper goes into Betty’s room to deliver laundry and I’m already mentally screaming at Betty to have hidden her diary really freaking well.
BETTY. WHY would you take the gun out of Grundy’s car and stash it in your shirt drawer? I don’t think Veronica would have sanctioned this tbh.
I think we’re safe, but like two seconds later Alice finds Betty’s diary and reads it and knows all about the Grundy/Archie debacle oh my GOD.
And now, the final night at the drive-in! Kevin and Ronnie are cuddling in the flatbed of the Keller truck when Cheryl rolls up in her convertible, parks, gets out, says “Make room, outcasts,” and joins the cuddle like it ain’t no thang. I’m completely obsessed with Cheryl’s habit of inviting herself to be friends with the gang whenever she gets bored of her girls.
Hermione and Fred spend their date reminiscing about the hot second they had a thing back in high school until Hermione recieves a mysterious text that calls her away. She’s gone for barely a second when Alice Cooper shows up at the driver window, saying “I’m sorry to interrupt your adultery,” but they need to talk.
I’ve been concerned about Alice this entire episode, but now she’s veering real close to the kind of righteous overly dramatic dialogue I’d expect more from an episode of GCB (which, btw, the actor who plays Hermione Lodge is in) and I’m kind of all about it.
Back at the truck, Kevin and Veronica are so over the loud antics of the Southside Serpent gang carousing behind them, and they shush them and it’s cute because Kevin makes eye contact with this blue-eyed hottie, but I NEED to show you the best moment of this scene:
In a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment, Cheryl pauses to adjust Veronica’s blanket for her in a really cute gesture. I don’t know if this was Madelaine Petsch being Madelaine Petsch for a second or if it was Madelaine Petsch deciding to use small gestures to show how Cheryl’s not a complete monster, but either way it made me super happy.
Kevin leaves to get more popcorn and Veronica budges over in the truck and Cheryl just casually moves over with her so they can stay squished together and I’m overwhelmed by how unintentionally sweet this whole situation is. Cheryl just wants to be loved! Cheryl just wants to find her place in a world without her brother! Cheryl needs friendship!
At that moment, Veronica spots her mother sneaking off behind the nearest shack and decides to follow her and see what’s up.
Over at the snack shack, Kevin despairs at all the couples around him and decides to order all the food. When he turns around, though, he’s face to face with the cute gang member who eyed him when Kevin was shushing the Southside Serpents.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes go make out now kthx.
Behind that other shack, Veronica witnesses her mom giving money to the guy who appears to be the leader of the Serpents, and saying that while Hiram’s in jail, they’ll be dealing with her. I’m still a little annoyed at just how cryptically this subplot was set up, but I’m game for crimelord Hermione, so bring it on.
Inexplicably, Archie is at school while all this is going down giving the gift of a cello bow to JenniGrundy, and I’m side eyeing this sitch so hard. Why would you go to school? At night? To meet your illegal lover? I assume most schools have cameras everywhere at this point so this just seems reckless.
Archie tells JenniGrundy they should stop their lessons. They’re about to embrace, when —
— Alice and Betty and Luke Perry arrive. How did they know where Archie would be? How long has Alice been driving Betty around in the car looking for the Andrews men? Doesn’t Alice have a paper to run or something? Does anyone in this town besides Hermione actually work? More at 11.
Back at the drive-in, Kevin’s found a nice boy!
Kevin’s new boy is Joaquin, a (gasp!) Southside Serpent who’s totally nervous at the idea of kissing the sheriff’s son once he finds out who Kevin is. This Jet/Shark pairing should end well. “I won’t tell if you won’t,” Kevin says to Joaquin, and I’m done, this is my fave subplot, the end.
(Joaquin is a character who isn’t from the comics, so he’s a total wild card.)
Back at school, Alice is getting more gleeful by the second at the prospect of wrecking up Archie and JenniGrundy’s lives in one blow, and she’s practically a set of magic powers away from being a Disney villainess at this point, so obv she’s in my top 3 fave characters rn.
When Alice reveals all the drama is about Betty getting to see who Archie really is, Betty snaps and gets right up in her mama’s face.
In an episode where Betty has been consistently badass, I’m overwhelmed by this moment where she essentially threatens her mom with family shame if they don’t leave Archie alone. She’ll say she made up the story, that she’ll admit to breaking into JenniGrundy’s car, that she snapped just like Polly.
Alice backs down, as long as JenniGrundy quits and leaves town. But hey! She’s not dead, so she’ll probably be back at some point.
The Kellers return home after the movie, only to find the results of a break in.
Who could have done such a thing? (Tbh my money’s on the Blossoms).
At the Pembrooke, Veronica confronts her mom (again) about the dealings with the Serpents. Hermione admits that the Serpents were paid to decrease the value of the Twilight Drive-In property so Hiram could buy it cheaply through an overseas LLC using the last of the Lodge money. Sounds legit.
Veronica’s uncomfortable with this revelation, and Hermione comes right back at her reminding her that the lifestyle they enjoyed was the result of business dealings just like this one. I would be all about the realness of this moment, except Hermione fucking Lodge ALSO mispronounces “Hermès” and I refuse to believe that members of the two richest families in town can’t properly pronounce the name of the place they absolutely buy all their scarves at, or that whatever dialogue coach the CW has on staff wouldn’t look at an accented word and try to make sure the actors knew how it should be pronounced so snobs like me don’t have to tweet the bougiest insignificant complaint of our lives.
Outside the Andrews residence, Archie has a minor breakdown and Luke Perry tells him it’s going to be ok, essentially. Luke Perry is 100% the most soothing part of this show.
Next door, Betty tells off her mom for trying to control her life. When Alice leaves the room, Betty begins a new diary.
It’s black, whereas the diary she was using earlier was pale pink, so we know Betty is Really Serious Now, You Guys.
She sees Archie through her window and texts him an apology for what happened. He texts back that it’s ok. Yay friends!
At the drive-in, Jughead is packing up as the last reel finishes its rotation.
I’m elated that we get to see at least a photo of Jellybean (what happened to her? Where is she?) but I did NOT see this next part coming.
Jughead wasn’t just working at the drive-in, he was living there too.
He goes outside, tags the building with “Jughead Jones Wuz Here,” and runs into the Southside Serpent leader.
“So where you gonna live now?” the leader asks. “I’ll figure it out, Dad. I always do,” Jughead replies and WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
I gotta say, Riverdale does cliffhangers like no other.
