New Year’s Resolution

Lots of things have happened this year and lots have not happened, yet. Unlike most captions I read on social media, my 2017 does not seem as special. I cried a week ago on the day before my birthday feeling like I have not accomplished much. I started this year with a fresh new job, which at times felt like a dream job. But things quickly spiraled down and I ended up losing it. In addition to that, I also got my right hand injured because I had not well taken care of myself.

This is not the year I gain professional success, but this is truly the year I’ve grown the most. This is the year I challenged myself to step outside of my comfort zone. I explored and tried new things I have never done before. I made mistakes, tons of them. And I’ve learned so much from each one of those. I hurt the people closest to me. I said things I later regretted. Yet, today, we’re more understanding of each other’s feeling and personality. I actually just had a debate with my loved one. The topic was pretty deep and serious, but it was still a friendly debate and we laughed a lot.

This is also the year I faced one of my biggest fears; rejection. In the past, I was so quick at getting out of uncomfortable situations. I would run away instead of facing them. This time, I don’t have much choice, or perhaps the choices I’ve made lead me to the discomfort where I have no way to avoid the situations. Rejection is tough. But it made me realize the kind of value I give to myself. Despite what others think, I often see myself under qualified to do specific things. This goes both personally and professionally.

After a couple months of hearing one rejection after another, things finally started to change. I realized that others would not value me unless I value myself first; nobody would feel confident in my ability unless I feel confident in mine. Change comes from within. And the surrounding really do follow.

I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolution but I promise myself to continue doing this one thing. For me, 2018 is the year I no longer blame myself for not being good enough.