I had a watershed moment some time back. It was the surest sign that the mind is evolving, becoming capable of looking beyond the juvenile, impulsive desires and contemplate a long term relationship.
The facts of the case are fairly simple. I’ve spent most of the last two years moping and pining for a girl who got away. The One. Early this year though, I thought I’d finally found someone who I could explore a relationship with. An enigma, a mystery someone who could hold an interesting conversation beyond the mundane. Also, desperately pretty which is never a bad thing. We hit it off almost immediately and being the “player” I thought I was, I lost no time in proposing that we go for a date. I was desperate for companionship of the kind I’d had in the past and hasty in my decision to jump to the first bandwagon I encountered.
She said no. We’ve stayed friends.
The epiphany was this. I was deeply attracted to her, but purely in a physical way. Desperately pretty people do tend to bring out such desire and I’m susceptible like the rest of us. But I clearly saw that we could never have a future beyond friends, even with benefits thrown in. We’re emotionally incompatible and there are far too many things that mildly annoy each about the other. Even in a short relationship, these would drive a person mad.
Shallow, you’re thinking. Such shallow thoughts and no substance to the argument.
But its more than that. Sometimes you really like a person but you can never imagine being in a relationship with them. Not that they’re weird in any strange way, they’re just not your kind of weird. Being with someone in this case would be a test of patience and not much else. Tempers would flare, arguments ensue and nothing good would come of it.
More than anything else though, such a person would never come close to your ideal of pure happiness. I do have a definition of that. It involves someone long gone, but the memory lingers, the feeling rekindles on thought. When we were together, we could always make each other happy, no matter what. That was what we always wanted to do for each other, what we felt pleasure in. Imagine sitting with your partner, fuming at something that’s been frustrating you for ages. You’re apoplectic, ready to scream and rant. But you fume silently and she understands. She touches your arm lightly, a feeling is inspired within you. She makes a cutesy face to distract you, you can’t help but smile. She starts caressing your arm gently, you feel all your anger ebbing away, irrelevant, unimportant now. This moment is all there is. All you’ve wanted. And it is pure happiness. She does this and your world pivots to her completely. You do the same for her when the time comes. The intimacy is phenomenal. Bliss.
I can’t imagine that happening with this girl, great as she is. We’re just fundamental strangers, incapable of that level of intimacy. Friends then, we must remain.