Will work for Candy(Shop)

Ah, back on familiar shores. I missed my last blog due to… circumstances. But I’m here now and it’s all good. People who know me well enough have already started distributing obituaries about another blog I just killed. People who know me better have gently reminded me that all I’ve got going for me right now is this blog filled with insightful writing.

So let’s hop to it.

I’ve scoured newsites and found absolutely nothing worth making fun of. But I need to write something to keep you guys entertained. I do feel bad that I was unprepared for such an event, without any clue what I was going to do. Then I remembered the well-planned and thought out India-Pak partition and how it benefited all of mankind by setting off a chain-reaction which would spawn a race of people who firmly believe that they will go to heaven by setting off explosives buried in their rectums.

Talking about terrorists, I came across something very interesting. So WTF that I didn’t even have to put on my Captain Hyperbole suit on. ISIS is using chickens as suicide bombers. Nope, I’m not kidding. So apart from the obvious threats of salmonella and worms we have to look out for traces of gunpowder at KFC.

Breaking news! A Ms.Sanghati Choudari from up north thinks that we ‘black skinned’ Keralites should just go to hell! Pic is up…

Well, needless to say, this thing went more viral than STD’s in a Goa New Year rave party. I don’t need to put in my tuppence here as people have already shared/abused the shit out of it and she has also apologized. That said, I just can’t take people who confuse ‘there’ and ‘their’ seriously. Work on your grammar, babe, then we’ll talk. Also, the way you northies say ‘pipty pi’ is just adorable!

Sreesanth has been acquitted of all charges. This means that we have to put with him again on TV, in HD. Sreesanth is to Indian cricket what a huge, pants-devastating shart is to cricket whites. Loud, undignified and hilarious for the opposition, and cringe worthy for your teammates.

For the first time since a long time, renowned musician and songwriter 50 Cent is probably worth his namesake. Actually, even less cos’ he filed for bankruptcy earlier this month. Considering that all he sings about is how his records have all gone platinum and much money and tail he gets every weekend, this is a bit ironical to say the least. Rappers are musicians the same way Bakra Butt is a news correspondent.

I tire of making fun of politics in India because I realize that very little can be salvaged from whatever we call a political system and a democracy. It’s sort of like complaining about a bit of spunk in your Sweet Corn Piss soup. All we will ever get is a huge conga line of inept people, socially and professionally, to run the country. I’m resigned to the fact that this will never stop.

But at least we can all point and laugh. Not too loud mind or you’ll end up in jail. And not even in those posh ‘reserved’ cells.

~Kar

p.s with reference to that image, I do not condone cruelty to animals. But culling of dogs when the people are being terrorized by packs of them is something that unfortunately has to be done. If you have to blame anyone, blame the government for being too cheap to provide animal shelters.