How to Get Free Promo from Breitbart (UPDATED)

The conservative pundit grift machine is dependent upon two major things, like a fire triangle: 1) Financial donations and 2) Manufactured outrage.

Recently, Twitter’s Bearded Boy Jesse Farrar made a tweet about drowning conservatives, which was picked up by rabid extraperiodontal nerd Charlie Kirk, who later went on Fox news to call Jesse (and his sometime employers) bad.

They tried to silence Jesse using a very easy exploit of Twitter’s fucking terrible reporting system. Jesse was sent to Twitter Jail for a few days, emerging on the other side a sober, reflective man, who proceeded to tweet a picture of a dick made up to look like a Minion.

Here’s how the Conservative Outrage Machine works:

1. People who are literally paid by gross pieces of shit like the Mercers or the Kochs to write “think pieces” about how Phrenology is correct and how Eugenics is a tantalizing prospect find something they can work as “objectionable.” It could be a tweet you DIDN’T EVEN TWEET OUT TO THE WORLD, JUST A REPLY, but hell, you sent it, you sodomite, so prepare for damnation.
2. These conservative writers, who yesterday were organizing a rally where the protestors wear diapers, decide that “this shall not stand” and tweet about it.
3. Some of these tweets inevitably find their way up the diarrhea train to more credible, or widespread media outlets where everyone gets to “tut, tut” how terrible you…